“If you’re so empty now, then why don’t you start doing fun things? Fill yourself up with that? ‘Cause the thing is, you ain’t all alone, are you?”
― Kyouta Shibano, フェアリーテイル 外伝 剣咬の双竜 1 [Fearī Teiru Gaiden Seibātūsu no Sōryū 1]
“If you felt empty and sad after doing something, you probably did a great thing.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Song of a Nature Lover
“Loneliness is such an omnipotent and painful threat to many persons that they have little conception of the positive values of solitude and even, at times, are frightened at the prospect of being alone.”– Rollo May
“We live in such a lonely world because most days we wake up and decide to marry no one but ourselves.”– Christopher Poindexter
“I’ll never forget how the depression and loneliness felt good and bad at the same time. Still does.” – Henry Rollins
The feeling of emptiness is a state that weighs heavy on the minds of many.
To feel like you are missing purpose, meaning or something to your existence can create tormenting emotional states like depression.
Feeling empty is like experiencing a colorless life, where love hides and light dies, only darkness surfaces to suck dry the meaning and fulfilling enjoyments of life.
We long to feel full, not empty.
You see, suicide doesn’t kill people…
Being unappreciated does.
Being lied to does.
Being played with does.
Being disappointed does.
Being disrespected does.
Being unloved does.
Being unrecognized does.
Being neglected does.
Being unnoticed does.
Being uncared for does.
When feeling empty inside begins to take over…
Those who suffer want nothing more but to end that crushing, relentless pain. To make it go away.
To end it.
Are You Feeling Empty, Overwhelmed, Tired, Unhappy, Irritable, and can’t sleep?
If you’re having negative thoughts
When people judge us, dislike us or react to us negatively it can make us feel guilty, ashamed, helpless, angry, fearful and lots of other uncomfortable emotions. When we have these emotions, we might blame ourselves or feel like we don’t deserve to be happy. Once we start judging ourselves, our negative thoughts can spiral. These thoughts and feelings can make you want to hide from other people, or feel scared of opening up. But there is support out there that can help you. You do matter and you deserve to be happy.
If these negative thoughts feel overwhelming, you might be struggling with:
- Depression – If you’re feeling down all the time and you are having a lot of negative thoughts, you might be experiencing depression.
- Suicidal thoughts and feelings – When these negative thoughts feel so overwhelming, you might feel like there is no way out. If you are feeling like this, it’s important you get the help you need.
- Low self-esteem – if you feel bad about yourself, struggle with confidence or the way you look.
Feelings – includes our emotions and physical feelings.
Unable to make a decision
Lacking pleasure or enjoyment
|Tired all of the time|
Get sick easily
Aches and pains
Changes in sleeping pattern
Changes in appetite
Weight gain or loss
Poor sex life
Depression can cause erectile dysfunction, a decrease in libido and an inability to enjoy sex
If you are feeling overwhelmed • guilty • irritable • frustrated • lacking in confidence • unhappy • indecisive • disappointed • miserable or know someone who is? You may be suffering from depression and the time to see someone is now!
“Asking for help saved my life and I feel like a different person for it.” Read Jacqui’s story
If these symptoms resonate with you then depression may be the culprit.
Changes of behaviour
A behaviour change is when someone starts to behave in a way that is not normal for them. They act in a way that is not what they normally do.
When we observe behaviour changes in ourselves or others, they maybe outward signs that the person is asking for help. They are experiencing inner pain. If the symptoms continue for more than two weeks it’s time to address them.
Your feelings are valid
Sometimes, it can feel like no one understands what we are going through or what we are feeling. Or you might feel like people just don’t get you. You might look at other people’s lives and feel like yours is very different. This can be very isolating and frustrating, and can make us feel worse and more alone.
As difficult and painful as this can be, it’s important to know that there are things you can do to feel valid, seen and heard. You are important, and your feelings matter.
Why do I feel like this?
It is our human instinct to want to connect with others, to express ourselves and to be understood. That’s why it can be so hard when we feel disconnected and alone. You might be experiencing some of the following:
- bullying, or being made to feel like an ‘outcast’
- having a different communication style to people around you
- worrying about how people will respond to you if you tell them how you really feel
- assuming people won’t understand you, so you might avoid people altogether
- a difficult family, abuse or trauma
When we start to feel bad about who we are this can make things a whole lot worse and stop us from being ourselves, or even trying to open up to others. But whatever you’re going through, you are not alone.
Tips to help when you’re feeling alone
You can prevent feelings of loneliness from spiraling out of control by implementing a few tips.
Denying our emotions usually just leads to self-destructive behavior. When a person acknowledges their feeling of being lost emotionally, they can then attend to it. Remind yourself that it’s fine to feel sad and disappointed and helpless. These are natural consequences when our life path changes abruptly in a direction we did not want.
Tomorrow is another day
Remind yourself that life is full of ups and downs. Everyone has bad days when they feel isolated and lonely and everything seems to go wrong. Remember that tomorrow is a new day. Be filled with optimism because you can always make the next day be one of the big “high” days rather than a soul-crushing low day.
It’s not lazy to start paying back the sleep deficit we’ve no doubt built up juggling all those balls, it’s really not. Sleep is an imperative part of our wellbeing. When we’re asleep, our bodies can begin to heal. When we’re struggling to sleep, try listening to soothing music or use a white noise app.
Shut up Negative Talk
When we’re empty, we sometimes have a skewed perspective on ourselves yet see others with rose-tinted spectacles. It’s divisive; it becomes about ‘us and them’. We need to try to be our own best friend – to treat ourselves with the patience and kindness we would show to others. Our words can harm or heal.
Reach out to Friends
Talking to people is a great way to relive old memories and remind you of all the positive things in your life.
When you feel lonely it can be tempting to think nobody would want to hear from you. But often you’ll find people do want to help. If there are people around you who you can talk to, it can be a good idea to talk about your feelings. This might seem like a difficult conversation to have, but actually talking is often the best way to start feeling better. Talking to someone you know could let them try and help you, while they may not necessarily have the answer it can make you feel listened to and often outside perspectives can really help.
Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. If a friend were in a similar situation, we’d jump to their aid. It’s now our turn to do just that. Friends can assist with childcare, by preparing meals that we can chuck into the oven, by sitting with us when needed, by helping us to take care of bills, and by supporting us in whatever way we need them. This also applies to other people who may be able to support us – support groups, helplines, doctors, self-help books – anyone who can help make life just that little bit easier. The more supported we are, the better.
REMEMBER: People who are lonely feel isolated and think that no one is interested in them or their lives. So they often push people away. Don’t fall into this trap. Workplaces are sometimes subject to cliques, but that does not mean the cliques won’t be interested in letting you in if you show interest.
SAY ‘NO’ MORE
Now is the time to say ‘yes’ to us. It’s not easy to say ‘no’ to others when they’re so used to hearing ‘yes’, but our wellbeing is our ultimate responsibility and can’t be shelved any longer. Anything that makes us feel weighed down by others’ expectations, resentful, frustrated and angry, is a down-and-out ‘no’. An ‘always no’, too, not a ‘not now’ no.
Loneliness is often associated with a loss of meaning. While volunteering can make you feel useful and increase your self-worth. Just participating in volunteer work for two hours a week can lift your mood and leave you feeling more connected.
This can be something like serving at a soup kitchen, reading stories at the pediatric ward, or doing temperature checks in public spaces. The opportunities are endless.
Connect with your religious /faith group
Whatever your religious belief, you can feel less isolated by plugging into the social fabric of your religious community. Research has shown that religious attendance is associated with higher social integration and better social support.
The implication is clear. Involvement with your religious institution and/or local community can protect you from feeling lonely.
Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change. The pain of loneliness can prod you to connect with other people. Unfortunately–and this may seem counter-intuitive—loneliness itself can make people feel more negative, critical, and judgmental. If you recognize that your loneliness may be affecting you in that way, you can take steps to counter it.
If you’re feeling lonely, have social anxiety, or feel isolated, try alternative therapies like art therapy, music therapy, talk therapy, dance therapy, or light therapy.
They all have positive effects on the mind and increase endorphins.
START A JOURNAL
Our thoughts don’t always make sense; they can be cruel, loud and ferocious. When we journal, we give those thoughts an outlet, somewhere else to be. In black and white, their power sometimes lessens. A journal can also help us to identify patterns in the way we are feeling – what might have caused those feelings when we feel our best and when we feel our worst. A journal can also serve as a real-time reminder of the progress we’re making.
Wanna help someone who might not know that emptiness is part of the deal when reaching for what you want? Share this post!