Featured

Surviving a broken heart


“It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest.”
– Jennifer Lopez on Ben Affleck, in her memoir True Love


“In the beginning, you tamp down the animosity for the kids’ sake. “I’m not going to deny that I went through the wringer. But I don’t think I doubted we’d end up here. That was always my dream, that the kids can have two loving parents that show respect for each other. And I feel that’s what they have.”
– Elin Nordegren on Tiger Woods, People



“I think when I came into marriage—especially when you’ve had divorced parents like myself… You’d want to try even harder to make it work and you don’t want to fall back into a pattern that you’ve seen happen in your own family. I desperately want it to work; I desperately love my husband and I wanted to share everything together. And I thought that we were a very good team.”
– Princess Diana on Prince Charles, 1995 Panorama Interview

“[Divorce is] very humiliating and very isolating… But, by the way, if it’s not painful, maybe it wasn’t the right decision to marry to begin with. Those are the appropriate emotions. When people get in your face and say, ‘This will pass,’ you think, Are they crazy? I’m never gonna feel any better than I feel right this minute. And nothing’s ever gonna make sense again. And I still have moments where I’m like, ‘Nothing’s ever gonna make sense again.'”

— Reese Witherspoon on Ryan Phillippe, ELLE

Why do we continue to allow ourselves to be hurt? I suppose it has something to do with knowing you have nothing to lose by loving and everything to lose if you don’t. I believe that. I also believe that each experience, each encounter no matter how insignificant it might seem, bears something transformative. And ever expanding. Who I am, and all those amazingly scary, difficult-to-digest events that have brought me here. To this particular moment, to this particular place.

Here are tips to help you recover from break ups

ACCEPT THE PAIN

Accept that you will have to go through some pain. It is an unavoidable truth that if you loved enough to be heartbroken, you have to experience some suffering.

When you lose something that mattered to you, it is natural and important to feel sad about it: that feeling is an essential part of the healing process.

The problem with broken-hearted people is that they seem to be reliving their misery over and over again. If you cannot seem to break the cycle of painful memories, the chances are that you are locked into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Your pain has become a mental habit. This habit can, and must, be broken.

This is not to belittle the strength of your feelings or the importance of the habits you’ve built up during your relationship. Without habit, none of us would function. But there comes a time when the pain becomes unhealthy.

Don’t Fight Your Feelings A break-up is often accompanied by a wide variety of powerful and negative feelings including sadness, anger, confusion, resentment, jealousy, fear and regret, to mention a few. If you try to ignore or suppress these feelings, you will likely only prolong the normal grieving process, and sometimes get totally stuck in it. Healthy coping means both identifying these feelings and allowing ourselves to experience these feelings. As hard as it is, you cannot avoid the pain of loss, but realize that by experiencing these feelings, they will decrease over time and you will speed up the grieving process. The stages of grieving frequently include: shock/denial, bargaining, anger, depression and eventually acceptance.

Keep busy. If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little “retail therapy” (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take “mental health days” if needed. If you can’t sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don’t sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.

Don’t try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all know the term “rebound relationship” these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that’s been created by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don’t process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.

 Give yourself permission.

It is okay to be smile again. It’s okay to find something funny and have your curiosity evoked. It’s perfectly fine to dwell on other matters besides your old love. It’s acceptable to feel those first flutterings for someone else. It’s okay to have your heart beat for something, someone else again.


I like to think that it really takes very little to survive after our heart’s been very broken — some gumption, a little bit of hope, the daring to dream again… and patience. Know this now: The time has come to stop wasting your heart and time in anger and obsession – re-living the pain of relationships past. Be thankful for the lessons and life experiences this relationship has taught you, and be hopeful for the future. Know that there are better things to come and welcome every new experience that comes your way with open arms—they may just exceed your expectations.

Featured

It’s All Under Control: A Journey of Letting Go and Hoping On

We are driving on Transcanada Hwy just past Swift Current, Saskatchewan heading home to Winnipeg. Every driver is supposed to drive at 110 km per hour on this highway. I am  driving at 114 km/hr, just 4 km above the limit, not too bad. In front of us to the right is a line of truck, my assumption is that they too are driving at 114 km/hr because it is taking too long to pass them. We stay on the left side.  As I attempt to pass the 6 trucks on the right lane, I see a sports car veer just behind us. They must be driving at around 130 km/hr. As we pass the first truck, I see car behind tailgating us, kind of putting pressure on me to speed up, coming just a few meters close to us. We accelerate to 119, he comes even closer.

I can not go faster than that to impress him…but he keeps on coming even closer. I choose not to yield to the pressure. These guy behind me is in a black BMW. I see him checking his phone, then making angry faces at me and getting closer and closer. I am feel threatened by his tailgating,  I know that his car is too closer to us than it is safe, a bad accident could easily happen should I have a sudden need for to slow or stop for unforeseen circumstances ahead of me. I speed up alittle bit, thinking it might calm him down but it did not. We continue like that for the next ten kilometers until we finally passed all the trucks.  Finally he zooms past us at a speed of lightening.

“I hope he does not get a ticket.”

I don’t how others feel when I was telling you this story; I have to be honest with you that when I first saw the car behind me I started to feel under pressure to speed past the trucks to give him a right of way. But as I thought through it I decided not to speed any faster, I knew that speeding was only one part of the solution of yielding to the driver’s behavior, I also knew I could show some anger or probably swear at him  but that is not me….I wanted to handle the situation differently, I wanted to stay calm and allow him to pass as soon as I had a chance. I had to choose to keep my testosterone in check and I knew that deep in me I had that power of saying no to the tempting spirit.

We all experience pressures in our lives. We feel pressured to perform, to conform and please others. We experience financial pressures, social pressures, career and professional pressures – pressures in relationships, (marriages, partnerships, parenting, etc.). We want to pin the blame for pressure. In this situations we feel that we need to take our power back from these external forces. And, this accurate – when we are experiencing pressure, it’s a signal that we have an opportunity to call our energy and power back to ourselves. We just get confused on how to do that.

The dictionary defines pressure as stress, a constant state of worry and urgency. It’s a force that pushes or urges, (emphasis on force). To pressure is to compel, or make someone do something. Some pressures are healthy, and even necessary. The adrenaline rush we feel at the start of a new project, or when we have a deadline approaching, helps motivate us. But when we try to do too much, all the time, stress becomes the enemy – quite literally. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, raises the body’s metabolic rate in readiness for a ‘fight or flight’ response. It increases heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. It affects background body functions too, like digestion, cell division and even our reproductive processes — putting them on hold until calm returns.

Being on constant alert and able to react to an imminent, life-threatening emergency is great when you need it, but living constantly in that state is detrimental. Stress affects our ability to think clearly and remember things; it has been shown to increase the likelihood of depression and can exacerbate health risks like stroke and heart disease. It also impacts our immune systems, which scientists now fear can impair our ability to fight cancer. Thus, unrealistic worries are over-reactions to a tolerable situation or a prolonged over-reaction to a threatening situation that can not be avoided. But how can you be sure a situation won’t cause trouble? You can’t. How can you be sure you won’t handle the problem any better if you worried about it a lot more? You can’t be. However, we can learn to recognize extreme over-reactions, e.g. being terrified while flying or obsessing for hours about an insoluble problem. But a little worry about crashing while flying is realistic and some thought is necessary to know that you can’t do much about a problem. So, how much time should you devote to a particular problem? There isn’t an exact answer; that’s why some of us let anxiety overwhelm us.

Many a times, we all find ourselves under pressure similar to my tailgate experience, we feel pressure, spoken and unspoken, to do everything and be everything, pressure to provide for your family, to be available to everyone, to meet company targets, to attend every meeting, to keep engaged, to have meaningful and well-maintained relationships. And as we well know, as we grow up we are taught by the people or our environments that we should suck up when we are pressure. We start on a journey that I call survival journey, you start to say, “I just want to get through today.” or, “Just one more party and it’s over.” We start to walk through sad places where we quit to enjoying the season s, the presence, others and starts trying to get through it instead. Beyond stressing about your general workload, if you dwell on the related risks and get wrapped up in thoughts of what could go wrong, you generate patterns of fear that start to seem normal. You get so used to being afraid that you actually start to accept it as a sign that you’re working hard: “Oh, I’ve got to give a big presentation, so I’ve got to be nervous.” That sort of thing.

Over the years I have learnt a thing or two about working under pressure. I have learnt that when one acts or live under intense pressure one start to create survival environments for themselves. I have seen people who live in survival journey making impulsive judgments, angrily rushing to bring closure to whatever matter is at hand. He or she feeling is compelled to get the problem under control immediately, to extinguish the perceived danger lest it destroy him or her. When one lives in survival journey they are robbed of their flexibility, their sense of humor, their ability to deal with the unknown. They forget the big picture and the goals and values they stand for. They lose their “cool” or feeling at peace, they lose their creativity.

I can’t help but think we’re a lot like that when life presses down on us. When the pressure gets too intense, we start looking for ways to bail ourselves out from under the thumb of circumstances that seem too much to handle. And all too often we are tempted to bail in terms of our attitudes, feeling angry, bitter, or even mad at God—or anyone else we can blame our problems on. Or, we are tempted to bail in our actions by refusing to persevere in righteous ways.

Apparently, gaining a sense of mastery or learning one is able to handle problems early in life, e.g. in monkeys who get good mothering and social support when young, seems to protect the adult from serious anxiety. Although fears are generally based on primitive automatic emotional reactions, more intense panic and specific fears occur when we feel particularly vulnerable–open to being seriously hurt. Some of this vulnerability may be genetic tendencies but much is probably learned, often at an early age. How are these dangers, these “Wow, that scares the hell out of me!” reactions, learned? Sometimes, we see the actual results of a real danger–a heart attack, an auto accident, someone going crazy–and we vividly imagine that might happen to us. Examples: Panic attacks often are exacerbated by the scary thoughts that the tightness in my chest and high anxiety means I’m dying from a heart attack, going to faint, going crazy, etc. Such thoughts greatly increase the panic.

Sometimes, we are given specific instructions by others to expect danger, e.g. some social phobics have been told that interacting with others can be disastrous–“they will think you are stupid or weird,” “you can’t trust them,” “you’ll make a fool of yourself,” etc. Sometimes, we have started to think in a certain way (the source may be totally unknown–a TV, movie, book, or just our own fantasy as a child) that implies some situation is dangerous. Examples of this might be: “Oh, what I just said sounded really selfish… dumb… critical… ” which grows into “I’m going to mess up when I talk to them,” “I’m not good at socializing,” “I can’t think of anything to say,” or “I get really uptight and start to sweat when I try to talk to someone.” We can create, in effect, our own dangers, and may be especially prone to do that if we are given certain genes and childhood experiences.

Norman Vincent Peale tells how a young business man asked him to talk with his father, the head of their business. He said. “I’m very worried about Dad. He is so nervous and tense. There are so many pressures and problems in the business and my Dad is giving way under them.” Dr Peale encouraged him to relax and talk over his problem of pressure in the business.  After a time, Dr Peale said to him, “I don’t suppose you ever read the Scriptures do you?”

“Certainly I do” the man replied.  Dr Peale said, “You read them but you don’t practice them.”

“Of course I practice them, I’m a moral man.”

“I wasn’t talking morals and ethics, I was talking about the healing power of God.  Have you ever read the 26th chapter of Isaiah, 3rd verse – ‘You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you’?” Peale then went on to explain that the father had not been keeping his mind on God, he’d let it dwell too much on his problems.  He urged him to repeat the text three times a day to get it fixed in his mind and heart. Faith in God, more than anything else, helps us to keep things in perspective and cuts our pressures down to size

It boils down to whether or not we want comfort or character. You or I may think that life should be a bed of roses, but if that’s your take on life, you’re in for a big surprise—trouble happens! The issue is not if you will face trials, it’s how you will respond to the inevitable pressure that the problems of life bring. It may be that you face pressure at work. In the face of a seemingly insurmountable project, it’s easy to think, “If I just fudge a little bit I could get this job done faster.” Or, when the problems at home won’t go away, we find ourselves wondering, “Maybe I’ll just leave so I won’t have to deal with this anymore.” The sin of pride causes us to respond to problems with thoughts like, “I don’t deserve this.” And soon our attitudes are in the dumper and God’s work is derailed.

Featured

Are you feeling stuck in life?

Are you feeling stuck in life? Many people do. Sometimes it feels as if we simply cannot move on with life. As if there was something that keeping us from pursuing our dreams and hopes. AND THERE WE ARE, Stuck! We feel limited and simply do not know what to do. We have no idea how to break free from the limitations that are imposed upon us. What is worse, we do not even know what it is that is imposed on us and who imposes these limitations on us. It’s quite scary to be confronted with an invisible obstacle you cannot seem to tackle. Even though the situation may seem hopeless, there’s much you can do about it. In fact, there are a variety of highly efficient tactics and powerful tricks you can use to free yourself from being stuck in a rut.


To illustrate how painful being stuck can be, I want to draw from the analogy of the movie, the Groundhog Day. If you have not seen the film Groundhog Day, please do so immediately—it is hilariously entertaining, touching, and has thousands of implicit lessons for improving one’s life, community, and the world. Some of you may know I wrote my dissertation on the 1993 romantic fantasy starring Bill Murray, directed by the late Harold Ramis.

Groundhog Day is about an arrogant TV weather man (Bill Murray) who finds himself stuck in a time loop where he keeps repeating the same day over and over. The worse part? He’s the only one who remembers the past day’s events — no one else seems to remember anything! At first he uses this time loop for personal gain. After a while though, he starts to evaluate his life and priorities.

In the movie, the main character, Phil Connors is trapped in a recurring day — a freezing February day in Punxsutawney. The town never changes; the events and the people never change. Only Phil can change.

It is impossible for Phil to have any control over the external world. Every morning he wakes up and it’s the same day again. He is compelled to find how best to survive and prosper, and decide if this is a curse or maybe a blessing. This is a nightmare everyone fears: to be trapped in a repeat mode forever.  Boredom crushes creativity and saps motivation at work and at home. The good news, there is an antidote to boredom.  It is about tapping into the power of purpose.  The fun part is that there are 5 lessons to be learned from the movie.


So what you can you and I do to get unstuck? As we have already established, you won’t be able to break free by digging deeper. What is necessary is to find another approach that helps us to address the underlying issue.

Here a some lessons for us

Don’t give up.

Again, Groundhog Day as life metaphor: Most of us have at some point been trapped in a situation where no matter what we did, we couldn’t extricate ourselves from some endless cycle of lameness. In the film, Phil’s attempts to bypass the situation altogether by offing himself don’t pan out; they don’t solve anything. The lesson is clear: Giving up doesn’t solve the problem.

Look at the big picture

This is about meeting yourself where you are. What are the current issues? Where do you want to be? And what is the in between? Remember, “The way out, is through.”

Take the wheel. 

Stop being a passenger in your own life. Take responsibility for your well-being and break the cycle of blame. Where you are today is solely the result of your choices and actions. Where you will be tomorrow is a result of things you do or don’t do today. Your circumstances and your results are your responsibility. Yes, many external factors are beyond your control, but you can change how you feel about them.

Do your best, live in the moment. 

Your best may be different at different times, and at different tasks and in different situations, but it begins with being in the presence, being in the moment you will always know when you are doing it. “Presence” is not about attracting attention to oneself, as some seem to think, but about being present and PAYING attention.

Express, Don’t Repress

As you work your way through your rut, don’t suppress your emotions. Instead, experience them fully. Going back to our example of a job loss, perhaps you’re very sad that you lost your job. Maybe you loved that job and wanted to stay with the company for the rest of your working career. Rather than be depressed for weeks or even months, express the emotion you’re feeling. If you feel you need to cry or yell out in rage, then do so. After you’ve let the emotion out, let it be. Don’t dwell on it forever. Experience the emotion and then move on. Remember, each event we experience in our life is a learning opportunity. Find the lesson that’s hidden in your current situation so you can move on.

We are All in a Prison of Our Own Making

Everyone is living out their own Groundhog Day as we speak. You’re bumping into the same problems, the same issues, the same challenges in most of the situations you’re in, because, duh, you’re you, and this is your heavy, heavy synthetic bag. You could even argue that this is The Point of why you’re here. 

Help Others In Need

The first time that Phil passes the old homeless man on the street in Punxsutawney, he pats his pockets pretending not to have any money. But over the course of the movie, Phil becomes more and more empathetic to the old man’s tragic situation. Phil buys him meals on numerous occasions, and tries to save the guy’s life when he’s stuck out in the cold. Phil also repeatedly catches a kid who falls out of a tree, helps some women with a flat tire, and performs the Heimlich maneuver on a restaurant goer. As his actions show, helping others doesn’t just only make them feel good — it can make you feel great, too.

Do one thing at a time
Anxiety and overwhelm kick in when there’s a lot going on.

But even when you have a lot to do, it’s impossible to do everything at once. The most effective way to make progress towards any goal is by doing one thing at a time.

Make a list of what’s most important for you to do. Do one thing first. Then, move on to the next. Keep repeating until your day is through. When you get distracted, come back to the one thing you’re focusing on.

Give thanks to whatever or whoever you give thanks to, but acknowledge your own role in your success. 

Live in Beauty

The French believe each day should be lived in beauty. No, that doesn’t give free rein to having a closet, cleaning the garage or basement. I do love a nice pair of shoes. It expresses that life is beautiful…hardships and all. Notice the single flower reaching for the sunshine through the snow, or the dog out for a walk, wagging his tail and carrying a favorite ball. That is beauty. It’s also a moment of perfect clarity.

Master Joyful Skills

If you are bored at work or home, put yourself on the path to master joyful skills.  This can happen regardless of your time, financial resources or the level of teaching talent available in your community.You will see that even if you are working in a rough neighborhood, with a terrible work schedule and a low wage job, you can cultivate a sense of purpose.

In the movie, Bill Murray brushes up on his piano lessons with a local teacher and eventually rocks out to a full house.  He worked with what was available and poured passion and purpose into it.  He mastered a joyful skill.

 
Being stuck in a rut is no fun, but as I always say ‘nothing last forever’!  Everything has its season, and I strongly believe that when one door closes another opens.  Just as the universe appears to work against us sometimes, it also works for us a lot of the time.  Remember that the universe seeks balance, so things will eventually level out, no matter how bad the outlook may be.  The more positivism you can foster during this time, the better your chances of getting out of that rut feeling better than ever.  You’ll be able to pour that new motivation and energy into your goals, and work that much harder (and focused) on your success. The idea is not to avoid these issues, because sometimes it is not possible, but to be aware of what they mean and know how to turn them into opportunities for new opportunities and personal reinvention .

When the dark comes crashing through


8DE02A0A-F7DA-4FB5-8E75-EF7CCBA1AF3CEven when the dark comes crashing through, and when you need a friend to carry you, when you’re broken on the ground you will be found – Dear Evan Hansen.

One day, everything in life is going very well.

Then……

Spouse cheats. 

Fall out of love and get divorced. 

Lose your job.

Crash your car. 

Child gets hurt on the playground.

And your world comes crashing down.

Life is hard. It can be overwhelming when nothing goes according to plan. When, in fact, everything is falling apart. At this time fear for our future creeps in and and without knowing a cringe attacks our mind. We look for answers, comfort, security, hope, stability, and peace. We want to fully recover, fast. Sometimes our world comes crashing down on us. I have learned many lessons from tragic events in my life as I struggled to get my life back after my spinal cord injury. As I reflect on what helped me to rebound from a crisis, I learned much about the resilient spirit.

Here are some thoughts to help you as you face situations in life that makes you feel like your world is crashing  down.

1.  De-stress yourself

The first step is to get some immediate relief and de-stress yourself.  Take some deep breaths, go for a quick walk, get in some exercises – there are a lot of things you can do to give yourself some breathing room.  Here’s a useful article on 5 ways to calm down.

2. Try not to panic. People in crisis can be made a lot worse if people start reacting with fear, control and anger. Study after study has shown that if you react to someone in crisis with caring, openness, patience, and a relaxed and unhurried attitude, it can really help settle things down. Keep breathing, take time to do things that help you stay in your body like yoga and taking walks, be sure to eat, drink water, and try to get sleep.

3.Surround yourself with positive, loving people.It may sound crazy but the people you surround yourself with can have a huge impact on how you handle situations, how you feel about yourself, and how you live your day-to-day life. If you’re surrounded by negative nancies, you’ll find that you probably lean towards the pessimistic side as well. Find friends, family, co-workers, anyone that radiates positivity and it will surely make you feel better in the short term.


I want you to know that no matter what religion or faith or denomination we are, no matter if it is pagan or Christian or Hindu or even atheist or “none,” the true purpose of life is to know that crap happens.
Our experiences, our feelings, our pain may be ours alone, but that doesn’t mean we cannot find the support we need.If there is one thing I hope we learn in this life it is that there aren’t always answers, good or bad. Job’s friends tried so hard to convince him that he must have done something very bad to be receiving such “punishment.” But, Job is right: what happened was not a punishment.

We are not punished in our lives by some outside force. Life is what it is. Good people get cancer and there are noreasons. Inspirational people die and we are left without the answers we so desperately want. Good things happen to people that never seem to be nice and we scratch our heads in disbelief. Life is life. We may never get the answers we want. Learning to be okay with that is hard. But we don’t have to sit in the ashes alone.

 

THE POWER OF BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going.” – Chantal Sutherland

To live a life of high achievement, you must fully believe in yourself and your ability.

Find me an extremely successful person who doesn’t greatly believe in themselves. It’s not going to happen. Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King, Jr., Michael Jordan, Elon Musk and Mark Cuban are just a few highly successful individuals who benefited greatly from this confidence. However, it’s not their levels of success that I want to talk about. It’s their willingness to get up again and again when they failed or experienced a setback while in pursuit of creating the life of their dreams.

We are all unique. Regardless of who you were born or grew up around, the fact is, there is no one else like you. When you start living in this truth, you’ll stop comparing yourself to others and diminishing your uniqueness. When you fail over and over at something that seems easy to others, it’s nearly impossible to believe in yourself. Struggling with confidence, you tend to focus on things you can’t do. That’s because you feel weaknesses more keenly. They are painfully highlighted in your mind, symbols of shame, weakness, and failure. The good news is that everyone has weaknesses — and strengths.

66985-thinkstock-oscarhdez-joyarmsout.1200w.tn

 

You need to determine how to identify your strengths, so that you can get the most mileage out of them. It is interesting that we expect people to believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves. Observe your thoughts and words about yourself. Break up with your inner critic.   Become your biggest fan! You can boost your self-confidence, which is the core of starting to believe in yourself. Strong Self-Confidence arises from a progression of underlying factors. It originates from a core knowledge that your worth does not depend on doing worthwhile things. You are worthy from within—despite flaws, weaknesses and limitations. Self-Confidence approached from the outside-in — based wholly on goals, accomplishments and external validation — will not work.

Belief in yourself opens the doors of opportunity to your dreams and aspirations. It allows you to live your truth and be your best self.  You are an important and integral part of life as much as anyone and anything else. You have a purpose!  When you believe in yourself, the ability to follow your passions and live your purpose is available. You are allowing good things to come to you, and your belief in yourself allows you to act on those opportunities.

Know that You have this whole life to experiment with who you are. It’s your life and you don’t need to live it to anyone’s expectations but your own. If you want a different life, make it yourself. The magic of life and conquering anything putting you down or back happens by simply believing it’s possible to do the impossible. Your belief in possibility is necessary to the work, the experimentation, and the consistency needed to change your life and other people’s lives.

Thank you for being part of my journey. I’m looking forward to hearing your comments.

Do not let defeats crush you

6DCFF26C-F074-4D53-AFB6-DB4CC77A55BCSelf-knowledge is important for one central reason: because it offers us a route to greater happiness and fulfilment.

A lack of self-knowledge leaves you open to accident and mistaken ambitions. 

Armed with the right sort of self-knowledge, we have a greater chance of avoiding errors in our dealings with others and in the formulation of our life choices.

The older we grow, the more peaceful and grateful we become. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we have wasted time on. And we begin to feel the peace that flows from our decision to rise above the petty drama and distractions that don’t really matter.

My friend I want you to know that you are worthy, that means that you’re still seeking some answers. Never forget, though, that everything you are looking for is inside of you already.

You are worthy, but that’s a hard truth to swallow when you make mistakes, don’t reach goals, get lost in comparison, and believe all the negative things you think. Human beings are built for progress, though, not perfection.

You have such a great gift to give to the world that no one else can give: yourself. That is the foundation for all other gifts you have to offer. Honoring that allows you to be free of small thinking because you’re curious about what’s on the other side.

Life is full of many defeats and it useful to remember that defeat is not permanent. We can always keep trying. To be defeated means that you have given up and have let bitterness rule your heart. Do not let your defeats crush you. Instead, pick yourself up, dust are yourself off, and try again.

Do not give up your journey

9FE0824D-F05A-4472-9682-6943B62AD42D

I have been reflecting on “The ladder of St. Augustine” by Longfellow. The poem was written in the 1900s, but it is meaning is still very much current, if you have troubles, please persevere, it’s translatable.

“…The distant mountains, that up rear…” I see the use of imagery to show that each of us is at a different time in our lives, and just as the mountains are crossed by paths, so we are at different paths in our lives.  But we reach upwards towards the sky as our goal.

In our lives mountains of life often are seen as great obstacles that are difficult to overcome, but each mountain offer great heights to those that meet the challenge. I never would have thought to include pyramids in that analogy, but Longfellow did. He also shared a new perspective on the mountains in the ‘Obstacles with Opportunity’ analogy, that once we’ve climbed a bit and gained a little perspective, we realize that the mountains are covered in natural pathways, that even though the mountains had seemed to be barriers, they were actually meant to be climbed. The pyramids, too, “when nearer seen, and better known,” are covered in stairs that are easy enough to climb, if you take them step by step.

In this poem, Longfellow proves wiser than many. He shows that he understands that though the Past is unchangeable and filled with faults, flaws, and failures that we would love to change, even a pile of problems gives us something we can build on. If, out of the ashes of our mistakes, we lear wisdom, and if we use that wisdom to gain great heights, then it can be said that, in the long run, those challenges that we struggle with turn out to be good for us.

We should remember that history  is full of people who, in the face of failure, diversion, and distraction, stayed the course anyway, achieving their dreams regardless of the roadblocksin their path.

Like who? Before it was the children’s literary staple that it is today, Dr. Seuss and his “Green Eggs & Ham” were turned down by 27 different publishers. On his way to creating the vacuum, Sir James Dyson burned through his life savings and 5100+ prototypes. Before inspiring millions around the world, Oprah producer found her “unfit for TV,” firing her on the spot.

Taking this poem  and relating it to entrepreneurship, it takes hard work (and far more of it than our peers) to reach that ‘life changing’ moment.

But these moments don’t come easy. Successful entrepreneurs have tireless work-ethics, even if their outward style (think Mark Zuckerberg in his shorts and flip flops) suggests otherwise. In the modern business world, it’s about what you can do, not how you look. You will not find a successful entrepreneur who does not have this tireless attitude to business.

“Standing on what to long we bore…” It’s easy to get discouraged, and I know when I do, I have a hard time seeing the proper perspective of my goals.  As I push forward and persevere eventually I hold my head up again, and can look back and see what I have been able to accomplish in my life.

 

There is strength in kindness

80568185_2506866019587944_3392482499744497664_o

Three things in human life are important.
The first is to 
be kind.     
       The second is to be kind. 
                                   The third is to be kind. — 
Henry James

How have you shown kindness to someone today? How has someone else been kind to you?

With the increased acknowledgment that bullying behavior is a widespread epidemic in workplaces and schools, the need to reclaim our kindness roots is imperative.While maneuvering through life every day, there are ways to make the days go smoothly for you and have a positive effect on other people.  It’s a way of reaching out to people, more often than not, that doesn’t require the use of money.  What is it?  It is kindness.

What does it cost a person to smile at another person?  To open a door?  To give a little of your time?  To allow them the right of way?  To treat them with dignity and respect?  To help remove snow for a person that needs transportation? It requires little effort, and can bring great results to our world.

Kindness is a personal quality that enables an individual to be sensitive to the needs of others and to take personal action to meet those needs. It is more than
being nice and agreeable. It’s a quality of one’s being, not just a matter of a person’s behavior. Kindness is a virtue. Virtues are the actions by which we gain and
keep our values. Kindness is not a duty, it is an expression of personal virtue that flows from and is rooted in love, which is at the heart of all virtues. Kindness
begins in the heart. I believe that kindness is one of the most important virtues because it is an important basis within everyday life. I believe it is an essential moral
that every person must develop.

I am deeply moved by the words of Mother Teresa, who said: “Be kind to everyone and start with the person standing next to you.” The impact we can have on the world we share, if we choose to be kind in every circumstance or even in an occasional situation, simply can’t be overestimated. The shift in how life would feel to everyone is truly beyond description. This may seem far-fetched, but if we remember the butterfly effect from chaos theory, the impact I’m talking about will be obvious. Anything that happens in one place is felt every place in due time. Anything. Everything.

Being a kind  as a leader doesn’t mean being a weak leader. Organisations should no longer pigeon hole the bold and assertive “Fiery Red”s into leadership roles or label the “Mellow Yellows” by their softer skills and people focus. The world has moved on. Leaders – good leaders – are very capable of making good and strong business decisions, even tough decisions, with kindness.

Satya Nadella recently showed that he could put principles first while navigating employee unrest. Take Mary Barra, CEO at General Motors, as an example. As we explored in a recent post, Barra is considered one of the most powerful women in the world, having successfully driven GE forward in the last five years. She’s achieved all this by exuding a quiet, humble, and kind leadership style.

Outside of the business world, there are people like Jacinda Ardern, the New Zealand prime minister, who exudes warmth, kindness, and compassion, and is steadily becoming one of the most iconic and respected leaders of our time.

View image on Twitter

Kindness is priceless, costing nothing to give. Its blessings can quickly spread. Kindness in and given by a person can make a difference in a family, in a
neighborhood, in an office or business, in a town, and in the world. Imagine what our nation and our world would be like if there were more actions or models of
kindness active in our communities rather than actions or models of greed, hate, material success, and personal fame. Kindness begins in the heart. Kindness
softens hearts, lifts spirits, and molds relationships. The value of our lives is best measured not by the material possessions we’ve acquired, but by the hearts we’ve
touched because who we are is far more important than what we have. Everything we do affects not only our own life, but touches other lives, too. Kindness not
only benefits receivers of the kind act, but also the giver. Kind acts release the neurotransmitters in our brains responsible for feelings of contentment and
relaxation. Contentment and relaxation bring about peace.

Kindness is a sign of a person who has done a lot of personal work and has come to a great self-understanding and wisdom. Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time because kindness is a sign of STRENGTH

Realizing that we’re all in this together

It’s tempting to think that you are alone during this worldwide epidemic and no one else will understand how you feel. However, there are millions of people in the United States and around the world who have lost their jobs, and many people who themselves have had COVID-19 or have loved ones who have been affected by COVID-19. The novel coronavirus has affected people on every continent except Antarctica, and that means it’s something relatable that everyone around the world can talk about and know. This man had coronavirus and survived—here’s what he wants you to know.

Young woman outdoors on sunny day, head back, eyes closedZENSHUI/MATTHIEU SPOHN/GETTY IMAGES

Being thankful for the little things

When was the last time you were thankful you were able to open the front door of your home, step outside, and breathe in the fresh air? When was the last time you were thankful to give your family members and friends a hug? What about that time you went to a favorite restaurant to celebrate a friend’s birthday? There are many small things to be thankful for.

Tablet is the best for video chat with familyJASMIN MERDAN/GETTY IMAGES

Taking the time to have video calls with friends and family

What was once a weekly catch-up happy hour with friends at a favorite local bar has turned into a weekly catch-up happy hour with friends…at home. You’re starting to realize that you don’t need to be out somewhere doing something to enjoy the company of family and friends. Simply being in their presence, albeit virtually, is enough. Here are 22 heartwarming stories of true friendship that will make you want to call your bestie.

Female Student Reading A Book In Her KitchenHINTERHAUS PRODUCTIONS/GETTY IMAGES

On May 1, 2020.

Capt. Tom Moore, a British Army veteran who fought in World War II, celebrated his 100th birthday on Thursday in a selfless way. In an effort to raise money for England’s National Health Service, Moore did a daily lap around his garden 100 times. His goal was to raise 1,000 pounds (about $1,250) for hospitals fighting COVID-19. However, as of his birthday, he has raised 31 million pounds (over $38 million). “It’s unbelievable that people would be so kind to give that sort of money to the National Health Service,” Moore said. To honor the veteran, two fighter aircrafts flew through the sky on his milestone day.

A woman helped an elderly couple get groceries.

In a Twitter thread that was shared over half a million times, a young woman explained how she helped purchase groceries for an elderly couple that was afraid to enter a grocery store.

Rebecca Mehra@rebecca_mehra

I went to the grocery store this afternoon. As I was walking in I heard a woman yell to me from her car. I walked over and found an elderly woman and her husband. She cracked her window open a bit more, and explained to me nearly in tears that they are afraid to go in the store.

112K people are talking about this

Rebecca Mehra@rebecca_mehra

I went to the grocery store this afternoon. As I was walking in I heard a woman yell to me from her car. I walked over and found an elderly woman and her husband. She cracked her window open a bit more, and explained to me nearly in tears that they are afraid to go in the store.

Rebecca Mehra@rebecca_mehra

Afraid to get sick as they are in their 80’s and hear that the novel coronavirus is affecting older people disproportionately. And that they don’t have family around to help them out. Through the crack in the window she handed me a $100 bill and a grocery list, and asked if I

8,043 people are talking about this

Rebecca Mehra@rebecca_mehra

Afraid to get sick as they are in their 80’s and hear that the novel coronavirus is affecting older people disproportionately. And that they don’t have family around to help them out. Through the crack in the window she handed me a $100 bill and a grocery list, and asked if I

Rebecca Mehra@rebecca_mehra

would be willing to buy her groceries.
I bought the groceries and placed them in her trunk, and gave her back the change. She told me she had been sitting in the car for nearly 45 min before I had arrived, waiting to ask the right person for help.

We are living in unprecedented times, and as COVID-19 spreads across the nation and world, the stories about how people are coping, battling, and persevering through the outbreak have become more important than ever.

Tips to respond to anxiety about COVID-19

female_serious_outdoors-1296x728-header

As the number of cases of COVID-19 increase, so does the associated anxiety. For the general public, the mental health effects of COVID-19 are as important to address as are the physical health effects. And for the one in five who already have mental health conditions – or the one in two who are at risk of developing them – we need to take personal, professional, and policy measures now to address them.

There are many ways to keep a sense of control in order to ease coronavirus anxiety:

1. Seek accurate information from legitimate sources

Limit yourself to reading information only from official sources like the World Health Organisation (WHO), or reliable national sources. These credible sources of information are key to avoid the fear and panic that misinformation may cause.

2. Set limits around news on COVID-19

Try to avoid excessive exposure to media coverage. Constant monitoring of news updates and social media feeds about COVID-19 can intensify feelings of worry and distress. Consider turning off automatic notifications and taking a break from the news. Setting boundaries to how much news you read, watch or listen will allow you to focus on your life and actions over which you have control, as opposed to wondering ‘what if?’. WHO advises seeking factual information mainly to take practical steps to prepare your plans and protect yourself and loved ones.

exercises-for-anxiety-1560942716

3. Look after yourself

Self-care in the wake of the coronavirus outbreak includes focusing on things you can control (like having good hygiene) instead of those you cannot (stopping the virus). Where possible, maintain your daily routine and normal activities: eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep and doing things that you enjoy. Consider creating a daily routine that priorities your well-being and positive mental health. Activities, like taking a walk, meditating or exercising, can help you to relax and will have a positive impact on your thoughts and feelings. The Mental Health Foundation, for example, recommends that you see it as an opportunity that might have benefits like finally catching up on sleep.

It is particularly important for health care workers to take care of their basic needs and ensure good rest between shifts due to overtime hours or work overload in the time of crisis.

4. Reach out to others and support people around you

Keeping in touch with your friends and family may ease the stress caused by COVID-19. Talking through your concerns and feelings may help you find ways of dealing with challenges. Receiving support and care from others can bring a sense of comfort and stability. Assisting other people in their time of need and reaching out to someone who may be feeling alone or concerned can benefit both the person receiving support as well as the helper.

Many people may also wonder what to do if they are put under quarantine. Although the idea of self-isolation may seem daunting, keep in mind that this is only temporary and that there are still many ways to regularly connect with others digitally.

5. Maintain a sense of hope and positive thinking

Try and focus on things that are positive in your life. WHO recommends to find opportunities to amplify the voices, positive stories and positive images of local people who have experienced the novel coronavirus and have recovered or who have supported a loved one through recovery and are willing to share their experience.

6. Acknowledge your feelings

It is normal to feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or upset, among a wide range of other emotional reactions, in the current situation. Allow yourself time to notice and express what you’re feeling. This could be by writing them down in a journal, talking to others, doing something creative, or practicing meditation.

7. Take time to talk with your children about the COVID-19 outbreak

It is equally important to help children cope with stress and protect them from any coronavirus hysteria. Answer their questions and share facts about COVID-19 in a way that children can understand. Respond to your child’s reactions in a supportive way, listen to their concerns and give them extra care, attention and support. Reassure your children that they are safe. Let them know it is OK if they feel upset. Share with them how you deal with your own stress so that they can learn how to cope with you.

Read WHO’s recommendations on how to help children cope with stress during COVID-19 >> >>

8. Ask for professional support

Follow protection and prevention recommendations provided by qualified health professionals. If all of this does not help, consider reaching out for support by a professional counsellor or peersPeer support is usually organised on a local or national basis so it is best to start your search with those in your local area so that you can actually talk with someone who knows what is available. Using terms such as ‘peer support for mental ill health’ or ‘mental health service user organisations’ and your locality into your internet search engine may well be helpful.

There are also support options online or via telephone for young people >>

There is a wide range of measures to tackle coronavirus anxiety and protect your mental health and that of your loved ones. Keep in mind that this pandemic will pass and that there is always help available. Taking proactive measures can help manage your mental health during these times of uncertainty.

Unbroken

With the current coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic I am seeing many people affected  people physically and also psychologically, many people are claim to be experiencing  lots of  stress, anxiety and depression reactions. There are so many people feeling the breaking of relationships, losing jobs, some are going through regrets that overwhelms their life, and many of us a going through a journey of mindset which somehow destroy purpose and hope, and creating homage to apathy which prohibits a future. And at times Like , I think we, need to hear stories of hope, a story that can help us understand how we can remain remain unbroken. L

Today I am in to share such a story. Are you ready to listen to the story? On a May afternoon in 1943, an Army Air Forces bomber crashed into the Pacific Ocean and disappeared, leaving only a spray of debris and a slick of oil, gasoline, and blood. Then, on the ocean surface, a face appeared. It was that of a young lieutenant, the plane’s bombardier, who was struggling to a life raft and pulling himself aboard. So began one of the most extraordinary odysseys of the Second World War.

The lieutenant’s name was Louis Zamperini. In boyhood, he’d been a cunning and incorrigible delinquent, breaking into houses, brawling, and fleeing his home to ride the rails. As a teenager, he had channeled his defiance into running, discovering a prodigious talent that had carried him to the Berlin Olympics and within sight of the four-minute mile. But when war had come, the athlete had become an airman, embarking on a journey that led to his doomed flight, a tiny raft, and a drift into the unknown. Ahead of Zamperini lay thousands of miles of open ocean, leaping sharks, a foundering raft, thirst and starvation, enemy aircraft, and, beyond, a trial even greater. Driven to the limits of endurance, Zamperini would answer desperation with ingenuity; suffering with hope, resolve, and hum∨ brutality with rebellion. His fate, whether triumph or tragedy, would be suspended on the fraying wire of his will.

As I reflect on this story  of Louis Zamperini, a man I would’ve have loved to learn from and talk to, I wonder what it means to be unbroken. Louis was mentally torn, physically damaged, an so much more, but ultimately, he didn’t break.Hopefully, we don’t have to experience the darkest parts of humanity that Louis faced, though some might, but all of us can choose to be unbroken.

7AD01992-3452-44C6-B5B4-0854FC61D0D3
What does it mean to us to be unbroken?

HOW SMALL VICTORIES LEAD TO WINNING THE BIG ONE.

Throughout the his story as shared in the movie Unbroken,  Zamperini found small victories that helped him to get through the day and through the journey. Louis learns to focus not on getting home for the holidays or making it out alive, but taking it hour by hour and focusing on staying in and surviving the moment. This teaches readers to focus on the present instead of worrying about a future they can’t control.   – on staying in the moment and surviving that moment. Small victories lead up to the big ones in ALL situations. What are the small victories you must have to get where you want to go?

Nothing is impossible

Throughout the story, Louis is frequently put in incredibly difficult and dangerous situations. His buoyant anticipation is what keeps him alive on the raft for 47 days and two years in Japanese prisoner of war camps. We can use Zamperini’s attitude as a guide for how to be confident in challenging situations. Never give up, no matter what.

One moment of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.

Whether training for a race or enduring his mistreatment as a POW, Zamperini knew that one key to overcoming short-term hardship is to focus on the big picture and keep the finish line in mind. Too often these days, we give in to the temptation to settle for a short-term benefit—but the best decisions come from remembering what you’re working to accomplish.

When you forgive, healing takes place.

 As part of his recovery, Zamperini returned to Japan and met with many of his captors from the POW camp—some who were now themselves in prison as war criminals—and embraced them to express the forgiveness that had saved him from his own bitterness and anger. At some point, we all encounter bad behavior—whether it’s deliberate cruelty, the betrayal of a trusted partner, or just an everyday slight in the workplace. Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s necessesary to begin healing and overcoming.

Refuse to let others steal your joy.

The guards at the Japanese concentration camps tried to break Louis. After all, as an internationally known and respected Olympic athlete, they figured if they could break him that would demoralize thousands of other soldiers. No matter what the guards did, however, they could not and did not break Louis. He had tapped into the power of persistence.And you can too. You can have a persistence that never ever gives up. You can keep on keeping on, achieving every one of your goals. That’s one reason I wrote my new book, The Payoff Principle. There are specific steps you can take to fire up your persistence that will absolutely transform your life and success on and off the job.Louis refused to let others steal his joy. Just like Rubin “Hurricane” Carter.In June 1966, the celebrated boxer, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, was convicted of murder in a highly publicized and racially charged trial. The boxer maintained his innocence and became his own jailhouse lawyer. After serving 19 years, Carter was released when the verdict was overturned.As a free man, people noticed his lack of bitterness, and someone asked him, “Wouldn’t anyone under those circumstances have a right to be bitter?” Carter responded, “I’ve learned that bitterness only consumes the vessel that contains it. And for me to permit bitterness to control or infect my life in any way whatsoever would be to allow those who imprisoned me to take even more than … they’ve already taken.”

Develop a fluid spirit.

When tough times come, you can get angry. You can wail on and on about how unfairly life is treating you. But that doesn’t work. Louis proved that.
You can also get bitter. But that doesn’t work either.By contrast, you can develop a fluid spirit that changes the world around you. That’s what Louis did. After his horrific World War II experiences, he spent the next 70 years working with young people, helping them get their lives together. He became, as some would say, like the Oolong tea. Perhaps you know the story of the tea.A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first she placed carrots; in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed Oolong tea. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. The she ladled the Oolong out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she said, “Tell me what you see.”“Carrots, eggs, and Oolong tea,” she replied.Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She noted they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the Oolong. The daughter smiled as she smelled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The Oolong tea was unique, however. After it was in the boiling water, it had changed the water color and taste.“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or Oolong tea?”Think about it. Which one are you? Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?Are you the egg that starts with a malleable heat, but change with the heat? Do you have a spirit that becomes hard and stiff after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside you’re bitter and hardened?Or are you like the Oolong tea? The tea actually changes the hot water or the very circumstances that bring the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases fragrance and flavor. If you’re like the tea, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.Louis taught me that we all need to be like the Oolong tea. We need a fluid spirit that succeeds despite the problems, challenges, and unfairness of life.

Leaders show appreciation

As Louis is leaving for the Olympics, Pete is with him. Louis goes up to his brother and thanks him for all he’s done to help him get on the right track.

Great leaders know they must appreciate those that have helped them get to where they’re at. Whether that’s a mentor or their current team, showing appreciation is a key component of great leadership.

Rough endings are better than fatal endings.
Before the fateful crash that lands Zamperini in the ocean for 47 days, he faced another rough landing. The plane he was in had a mechanical failure and they couldn’t use the brakes to stop the plane. They needed a runway long enough to stop but there wasn’t one.

They had to land the plane anyways. So, they found a place that could possibly work and succeeded.

The landing wasn’t pretty. It was rough and left those in the plane pretty shook up.

The projects we take on won’t always have a perfect outcome. The endings to a project may be messy or sloppy but completing a project is better than not finishing.

You can come from behind.
 During the Olympics, Zamperini fell to the back of the pack of runners. He was in last place. No one thought he could come back. Yet he gave it all he had and passed many of the runners to become the lead American in the race.

Just because you’re not in the lead at this time doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance. Being in the back sets you up for an amazing comeback story.

Greed hurts others. 

While stranded on the lifeboat, Zamperini creates rules for how much the survivors will eat or drink. The rations were minimal but they would help them survive.

One morning they wake up to find that Mac had eaten all of the chocolate that was left.

This hurt Zamperini and Phil. They were counting on the chocolate to last longer than it did. Mac’s greed caused them untold pain.

The allure of fame and money can easily cause us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do. That’s why we’ve got to be aware of what’s in our hearts and keep the greed monster at bay.

We have to face our mortality

 Zamperini, Phil, and Mac were all getting weaker and weaker the longer they were in the lifeboat. They never knew if today would be their last day.

Then Mac begins to face his mortality.He realizes death is closing in. He asks if they think he’ll make it through the night.

We all have a limited time on this earth.Make the best you can with the opportunities and resources you have. Always remember Creator has given you this time for a reason, to bring glory to Him for your actions.

I hope you enjoyed these leadership lessons from Unbroken. It’s a great movie.

Unbroken has climbed to the top of my list of favorite war movies. The story was inspiring and we got an accurate portrayal of what happened in some of the prisoner of war camps.

Forgiveness

After the war, Louis struggled with the memories of his ordeal and turned to drinking as a remedy.  In 1949 at the urging of his wife, he attends a Billy Graham crusade.  This would ultimately lead to Louie recommitting himself to Christianity and he forgave his captors. He actually returned to Japan in 1950 and met some of his captors and personally forgave them.  He was not able to locate the “Bird” however.

An excerpt from the book puts it this way:

“The paradox of vengefulness is that it makes men dependent upon those who have harmed them, believing that their release from pain will come only when they make their tormentors suffer. In seeking the Bird’s death to free himself, Louie had chained himself, once again, to his tyrant. During the war, the Bird had been unwilling to let go of Louie; after the war, Louie was unable to let go of the Bird.”

Forgiveness is not always an easy thing to do and for many people is a struggle.  I am amazed after the treatment that Louie received at the hands of his captors that he was able to find a way to forgive.

You might look at 10 things you did today and focus on the one wrong thing that happened.  Instead of focusing on what went wrong, how about celebrating the nine things that went right.  You worked out for only 30 minutes?  You worked out.  Wrote for only a half hour?  You put something down on paper.  Remember the Toughness Groove in our mind?  It works the same with how we look at things.  Focus on the negative all the time and guess what you’re going to see all the time?  By focusing on what’s right, opportunities and joy are allowed to shine through.

Scientific research shows that our mind is malleable, meaning we can form patterns or “grooves” in how we act or respond.  Nietzsche’s famous quote – “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” – accurately describes this phenomenon.  We face a fear, conquer a challenge, or fail and get back up.  All of these things help us improve; but more importantly, strengthen our mind for the next time.  So the next time you successfully come away from adversity or a setback, take heart in knowing your confidence and mental toughness will only be stronger when faced with challenges in the future.

 

Lessons to learn from the Kardashians

20160304213814-kim

 

Keeping Up With The Kardashians has been on the air since 2007. The Kardashian family is everywhere. With multiple television shows, clothing and cosmetic lines, digital products, games, emojis, well-timed pregnancies and so much more, the family has established itself as an example of good brand management — no matter how much you might make fun of them. From Kim Kardashian’s social media savvy to Kris Jenner’s impeccable sense of what works on reality TV, the Kardashian’s show that capitalizing on a massive presence results in success.

The Katdashian’s show has spawned a bunch of spin-offs, a lot of drama and wait for it… life lessons?

Lesson one. Synergy is the oxygen for a stronger family. Branding expert Nick Nanton, who runs the agency DNA, says the biggest mistake people trying to follow the Kardashian model can make is trying to be just like the family. But entrepreneurs can learn a lot from the ways the Kardashian-Jenner family uses their strong branding to prop each other up, he says: “They’ve been very smart about using synergy to help each other. That’s what good businesses do, too,” Nanton said.

lesson Two. Kylie Jenner: Leverage your following to sell your product.  A similar openness carries over to Kim’s youngest sister, Kylie Jenner.

The youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Jenner has built her makeup line Kylie Cosmetics into a $420 million empire in just 18 months, CNBC reports.

Jenner, who became the youngest celebrity to be named on the 2017 Forbes 30 Under 30 celebrities list with earnings of $41 million in the last yeartold Fast Company in May that she doesn’t pay for advertisements to promote Kylie Cosmetics. Taking a page out of her older sister Kim’s book, Jenner said, “Social media is the only way I push it.” Using Snapchat and Instagram, Jenner has turned her makeup line into a multimillion-dollar venture.

Lessson Three. Give all your attention to your strengths. Can you imagine how much hate the Kardashians get on a daily basis? It’s amazing they’re not all living under a rock somewhere harping on their insecurities. This is something all bloggers can relate to, because it’s bound to happen when you put yourself in the public eye – you will be scrutinized.

Regardless, Kim Kardashian plays off her strengths and ignores her weaknesses. People may argue it doesn’t take talent, but Kim Kardashian’s selfie game is strong, which is how she was able to sell copies of her selfie book, Selfish, and endorse the LuMee phone case. As silly as it sounds, her strength of selfies landed her deals that made her millions.

So what are your strengths? (Tell us in the comments here below!)Three-Mobile-App-Marketing-Lessons-from-Kim-Kardashian

Lesson Four. Never take yourself too seriously. Kim Kardashian isn’t one to be all business all the time. Her ability to make fun of herself made her even more money with her big booty Kimojis, “ugly crying face” phone cases, and wrapping paper.

Life is fun and “money is a game” like serial entrepreneur Tony Robbins likes to say, so why not make the most of it by laughing at yourself from time to time like Kim Kardashian? It might lead to a decision that will change your business forever.

 

Kris Jenner: Everything is business

What lesson can’t we learn from Kris Jenner? The Kardashian-Jenner matriarch has skillfully brought her entire family to prominence through TV by turning all potential scandals into opportunity and cashing in on that success. Jenner is great at seeing an opening — a reality TV show about her family’s daily life, for example — and following through to make sure it happens.

Lesson Six. You may be the face of your business, but without your team you’re nothing.You may have heard of Kim Kardashian. But have you heard of Stephanie Sheppard? She’s Kim K’s personal assistant. In the aftermath of Kim Kardashian’s attack in Paris, it was Sheppard who took it upon herself to be her best friend’s spokesperson in her time of need. No one is an island after all.

What this teaches us: Your work mates need to be your best mates. You often can’t choose who you work with, but make the effort to turn your colleagues into allies, and they’ll become your biggest cheerleaders.

Lesson Seven. It’s Possible to Change Perceptions of Yourself – Since the dawn of the Kardashian dynasty, Khloe has cruelly been labelled many things whether it’s ‘the fat one’ or ‘the ugly sister’ and recently admitted that she tried to own the labels as a method of self-defence. If she put herself down first, it wouldn’t be such a big deal when the other person inevitably did. Which when you pause to think about it, is a desperately sad way to think. To the world at least it seemed as if the roles within the family were firmly stuck – Kim was the hot one, Khloe the fat, funny one. Then Khloe’s Complex cover landed and everyone lost their minds. Could it be – Khloe was actually kinda hot? Despite having the global media and fellow celebs label her one thing Khloe worked her ass off (literally) and changed the way she was viewed. If you have a reputation that you’re not exactly proud of – either professionally or personally- it doesn’t have to be forever.

The Kardashians  have also used their influence to raise awareness on various social issues and causes over the years, while Kylie and Kendall have used their birthdays and platforms as opportunities to raise funds for Smile TrainCharityWater and Teen Cancer.

Clearly, the Kardashians have their hand in a lot of things, have a major presence and are skilled businesswomen. Perhaps that’s enough to convince detractors that they have something valuable to teach their fellow women entrepreneurs.