“I am my own best friend and my own worst enemy. Before coming here, I was thinking I don’t deserve it, that i wouldn’t be able to meet your expectations, and that you had probably chosen the wrong candidate. At the same time, my heart was telling me that i was being rewarded because i hadn’t given up and had fought to the end”
― Paulo Coelho, The Winner Stands Alone
Do you believe in the old saying, ‘you are your worst enemy, and you are your best friend?’. Whether or not you think it is true for your life in general, it certainly holds true for relationships.Whether is it is allowing your emotions to control your words and actions, or simply being careless with your speech or actions, you must guard against being your own worst enemy.
Tony Robbins who is a renowned life coach says “Most of us have had an enemy or two, but little did you know your biggest enemies are living inside of you — and they’re called saboteurs. Saboteurs are the set of mind patterns that govern your every move. They automatically influence your beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and they are steering you in the wrong direction — that is, you’re sabotaging yourself.”
Do you believe the above quotes? If you are like me, you agree that in many cases we are the killer of your dreams. You and I have in many occasions, throughout our lives, talked our self out of the things we want to achieve. We make up fake scenarios of the world coming to an end. We come up with stories about how “I’m not qualified”, “my boss wont like it if I do blah blah blah” or “my friend will say I’m a jerk if I do blah blah blah”.. But why do we do this? Why do we convince ourselves its too scary or we are not worth? Because it is literally your brains way of keeping us SAFE! In order to find out how we can re-frame from being enemies of ourselves, I would like to focus on a few reasons why we become enemies of ourselves.
We feed to our negativity
Negativity is one of the worst enemies of successful people.
What we focus our attention on grows and becomes a more important part of our experience. Many – perhaps most – people tend to focus a lot on negative things. We fret about the past, about missed opportunities, mistakes and failures, we fear the future with all its uncertainty; we worry about our relationships, our investments, and our security. We compare ourselves to others in an unfavorable light, and we fear that we are inadequate. These negative thoughts continually arise and, with attention, they grow and persist.
This kind of thinking is poison: it is corrosive, toxic, destructive, and we need to purge ourselves of it. To attract more positive experiences into our life – to become truly happy and successful – we need to eliminate the negative thinking which, for many of us, has become such an integral part of our life. It’s not so much that we need to ‘think positively’ so much as that we need to drop the habitual, negative thoughts that swirl around our head and make up so much of the background noise in our lives. I am convinced that our natural, ‘default’ state is peace and happiness, and that success comes easily if we have nothing blocking the way.
If you are your own worst critic, it’s time to stop getting in your own way. Do not allow self-criticism to derail your business development efforts. Fire your worst critic and your practice will be able to THRIVE.
Getting So Nervous that you Make Stupid Mistakes
This sort of goes hand in hand with the last one, that you are so nervous that you really want to do well because it’s a big deal, and then you get tense and all of your skills are off and you’re asking yourself, “What happened to me?” That’s a way that you’re undermining your own confidence.
Jealousy or Comparing Yourself to Others
This is for athletes who get wrapped up in what other people are doing. This leads to you feeling like you’re less than someone else, and you start giving up and feeling like it’s impossible when things get hard. This happens a lot for people who have a lot of talent in sport, but they’re really used to winning, getting medals, doing well, getting the skills, making the corrections fast, getting praise there. They’re pretty accustomed to that.
Inevitably, in every sport career, there is a time where it gets hard for everybody. For Simone biles, for everybody, it gets hard at some point. For the people who go, “Oh, it’s too hard. I’ve peaked. My talent has escaped me. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get through this,” you’re obviously getting in your own way.
You may spend some much time being a people pleaser, wanting approval so much, that you go against your own intuition or fear just to make somebody happy. I would say is one of the main causes for mental blocks. You feel afraid, and you don’t want to be afraid because you don’t want to get in trouble or you don’t want to make anybody mad. What you do instead is say, “I’m not afraid, can’t be afraid, don’t have time to be afraid,” and then you try something, putting yourself in danger, which then freaks you out, even if you’re not really in danger. And it was fine. It was safe. Your brain starts to feel so unnerved by your inability to stand up for yourself, it goes, “Wow, this person’s not to be trusted. They will do anything to please their coach and that anything might not be safe. So we’re not going to allow those anymore.
Having Incredibly High Expectations
High expectations creates insane stress and pressure where you go in and say, “If I don’t do x, y, and Z, then I’m a failure,” or you get really tense before competition because you have so much on the line at all times because you need to be amazing or else. That’s a way that you could be sabotaging your confidence, believe it or not. That’s interesting, right? Because this is good in sport, you want to be excellent. You want to be aiming for the very best performance possible. I’m not saying we don’t want to do that, but if you have high expectations to the point of never feeling good enough, getting really stressed out, and feeling a ton of pressure (and you’re a lot more likely to implode under pressure) you might be able to relate to that.
Getting too social on social networks. Like it or not, what you post on Facebook and Twitter represents you. The same is true of everything you blog, comment, email, text and Tweet. With the possible exception of SnapChat, the internet is forever, like a bad tattoo you can never get rid of. Don’t write or post anything you wouldn’t want future potential customers and employers to see.
“Small thoughts easily fit in a closed mind, big thoughts require an open one” ~Roy H Williams. Imagine if everyone had tunnel vision in this world, we would be robbed of so many great discoveries and advancements. Tunnel vision is living like a frog in the well. People with tunnel vision are resistant to change, experimenting with new ideas and exploring new boundaries. Limiting oneself is one of biggest roadblocks to exponential growth. Brainstorming, sharing different perspectives, challenging each other’s ideas, learning from various experiences, being inspired is how this world has progressed by leaps and bounds. Keeping an open mind and exploring beyond the ordinary will present more opportunities.
As much we would like to blame the circumstances or people around for our shortcomings, we play a pivotal role in cutting ourselves a bad deal. We present ourselves the greatest challenges and have the sole decision-making power to shape the past, present, and future. All of us experience situations in life which are full of disappointment, frustration, self-depreciating, heartbreak, illness, and failure, but what we learn from it, is what is extremely essential.
In life the greatest challenges come from within us. We create experiences that teach us valuable lessons every day. These lessons shape our future and the person we are destined to become. As much as we determine our own happiness we do so with our failures as well. We can be our biggest advocates or our biggest haters.
The way I see it, at any given moment, you’ve already got so many challenges on your plate, so why are you adding yourself to the list of obstacles you’re facing? Out of all the people in the world try not allow hate on you and potentially block your blessings, why in the world would you do that to yourself?
Are you ready to create the life you want and deserve?
If you are ready for the best life has to offer, then decide that you deserve better. Reframe how you see yourself and resolve to act from a declaration of who you are! Most importantly, take the following simple steps towards success.
Radically change the way you think
You have learnt, you have made mistakes, you have regrets, you have achievements. Whatever has happened in past cannot be changed, but a radical thinking can put all that learning into right actions for the future. You have everything, you have nothing, it is all a state of mind. In what ideas, actions, thoughts you want to spend your time decides what you are, so choose it tightly.
Self Love & Compassion
We determine our own self-worth by our past, our current circumstances and level of love we have for ourselves.
Have you ever taken note of how you talk to yourself, the language and tone you use to react to your own actions and thoughts?
It’s very common for that self-communication to be negative. It may sound like, “Why would I do that?” “I’m so stupid.” “What was I thinking?” “I’m not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough…….” And the list goes on.
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. YOUR DNA IS DIVINE.
Trust, believe and place your confidence in this truth.
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN. COMMENT BELOW AND LET ME KNOW HOW YOU’RE GOING TO STOP BEING YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY.
I’m cheering for you. Like you’ve just become your own best friend.
Create more realistic personal goals and expectations.
Recognize that you are already enough and you don’t need to be perfect to continue making progress towards your goals.
By setting more realistic goals, you’ll eliminate excess energy that would go towards attempting the impossible, and have a more balanced lifestyle.
Write how awesome you are everyday. Stand in in front of the mirror and repeat after me. “I am awesome. I can do this. I can do anything I set my mind to.” You have overcome all of your worst days so far. You can keep going. Write about all of the things you achieved in the past years. Pat yourself on the back for being here and being fucking awesome. Positive self talk will become the new habit and create MORE positive things to happen in your life.
Separate Yourself From Your Toxic Thoughts
That mean little voice inside might appear like it’s you, but it’s not. Create distance between you and the thought. Observe it without judging.
Also, try questioning it. If you think, “I’m awkward around new people,” ask yourself, “Is this true?” Can you remember times when this hasn’t been the case? The advice of “Being Yourself” is true. I started shedding my insecurities as soon as I started seeing the world through the lens of value, and also, as soon as I started valuing my own view of myself rather than others’ view of me.
The advice of “be yourself” is literally gold. The reason why people don’t get it is because they don’t understand what it entails, or if they do, they don’t have the exponentially internalized data to match the words that tell them how to do it. I’ll do my best to explain how I tangibly did it.
Take control. Based upon your best qualities and certainties, make one positive change for the better. Don’t try to fix everything, but just improve one thing, for real.
When you doubt yourself, you need to start simple, then build self-trust and confidence. When enemy thoughts enter your brain, don’t fight them, or give into them. Thank them. In a weird way, they’re trying to protect you from risk and failure. But you don’t need that because you’ve got this.