“It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest.”
– Jennifer Lopez on Ben Affleck, in her memoir True Love

“In the beginning, you tamp down the animosity for the kids’ sake. “I’m not going to deny that I went through the wringer. But I don’t think I doubted we’d end up here. That was always my dream, that the kids can have two loving parents that show respect for each other. And I feel that’s what they have.”
– Elin Nordegren on Tiger Woods, People

“I think when I came into marriage—especially when you’ve had divorced parents like myself… You’d want to try even harder to make it work and you don’t want to fall back into a pattern that you’ve seen happen in your own family. I desperately want it to work; I desperately love my husband and I wanted to share everything together. And I thought that we were a very good team.”
– Princess Diana on Prince Charles, 1995 Panorama Interview

“[Divorce is] very humiliating and very isolating… But, by the way, if it’s not painful, maybe it wasn’t the right decision to marry to begin with. Those are the appropriate emotions. When people get in your face and say, ‘This will pass,’ you think, Are they crazy? I’m never gonna feel any better than I feel right this minute. And nothing’s ever gonna make sense again. And I still have moments where I’m like, ‘Nothing’s ever gonna make sense again.'”

— Reese Witherspoon on Ryan Phillippe, ELLE

Why do we continue to allow ourselves to be hurt? I suppose it has something to do with knowing you have nothing to lose by loving and everything to lose if you don’t. I believe that. I also believe that each experience, each encounter no matter how insignificant it might seem, bears something transformative. And ever expanding. Who I am, and all those amazingly scary, difficult-to-digest events that have brought me here. To this particular moment, to this particular place.

Here are tips to help you recover from break ups

ACCEPT THE PAIN

Accept that you will have to go through some pain. It is an unavoidable truth that if you loved enough to be heartbroken, you have to experience some suffering.

When you lose something that mattered to you, it is natural and important to feel sad about it: that feeling is an essential part of the healing process.

The problem with broken-hearted people is that they seem to be reliving their misery over and over again. If you cannot seem to break the cycle of painful memories, the chances are that you are locked into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Your pain has become a mental habit. This habit can, and must, be broken.

This is not to belittle the strength of your feelings or the importance of the habits you’ve built up during your relationship. Without habit, none of us would function. But there comes a time when the pain becomes unhealthy.

Don’t Fight Your Feelings A break-up is often accompanied by a wide variety of powerful and negative feelings including sadness, anger, confusion, resentment, jealousy, fear and regret, to mention a few. If you try to ignore or suppress these feelings, you will likely only prolong the normal grieving process, and sometimes get totally stuck in it. Healthy coping means both identifying these feelings and allowing ourselves to experience these feelings. As hard as it is, you cannot avoid the pain of loss, but realize that by experiencing these feelings, they will decrease over time and you will speed up the grieving process. The stages of grieving frequently include: shock/denial, bargaining, anger, depression and eventually acceptance.

Keep busy. If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little “retail therapy” (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take “mental health days” if needed. If you can’t sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don’t sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.

Don’t try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all know the term “rebound relationship” these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that’s been created by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don’t process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.

 Give yourself permission.

It is okay to be smile again. It’s okay to find something funny and have your curiosity evoked. It’s perfectly fine to dwell on other matters besides your old love. It’s acceptable to feel those first flutterings for someone else. It’s okay to have your heart beat for something, someone else again.

I like to think that it really takes very little to survive after our heart’s been very broken — some gumption, a little bit of hope, the daring to dream again… and patience. Know this now: The time has come to stop wasting your heart and time in anger and obsession – re-living the pain of relationships past. Be thankful for the lessons and life experiences this relationship has taught you, and be hopeful for the future. Know that there are better things to come and welcome every new experience that comes your way with open arms—they may just exceed your expectations.

We are driving on Transcanada Hwy just past Swift Current, Saskatchewan heading home to Winnipeg. Every driver is supposed to drive at 110 km per hour on this highway. I am  driving at 114 km/hr, just 4 km above the limit, not too bad. In front of us to the right is a line of truck, my assumption is that they too are driving at 114 km/hr because it is taking too long to pass them. We stay on the left side.  As I attempt to pass the 6 trucks on the right lane, I see a sports car veer just behind us. They must be driving at around 130 km/hr. As we pass the first truck, I see car behind tailgating us, kind of putting pressure on me to speed up, coming just a few meters close to us. We accelerate to 119, he comes even closer.

I can not go faster than that to impress him…but he keeps on coming even closer. I choose not to yield to the pressure. These guy behind me is in a black BMW. I see him checking his phone, then making angry faces at me and getting closer and closer. I am feel threatened by his tailgating,  I know that his car is too closer to us than it is safe, a bad accident could easily happen should I have a sudden need for to slow or stop for unforeseen circumstances ahead of me. I speed up alittle bit, thinking it might calm him down but it did not. We continue like that for the next ten kilometers until we finally passed all the trucks.  Finally he zooms past us at a speed of lightening.

“I hope he does not get a ticket.”

I don’t how others feel when I was telling you this story; I have to be honest with you that when I first saw the car behind me I started to feel under pressure to speed past the trucks to give him a right of way. But as I thought through it I decided not to speed any faster, I knew that speeding was only one part of the solution of yielding to the driver’s behavior, I also knew I could show some anger or probably swear at him  but that is not me….I wanted to handle the situation differently, I wanted to stay calm and allow him to pass as soon as I had a chance. I had to choose to keep my testosterone in check and I knew that deep in me I had that power of saying no to the tempting spirit.

We all experience pressures in our lives. We feel pressured to perform, to conform and please others. We experience financial pressures, social pressures, career and professional pressures – pressures in relationships, (marriages, partnerships, parenting, etc.). We want to pin the blame for pressure. In this situations we feel that we need to take our power back from these external forces. And, this accurate – when we are experiencing pressure, it’s a signal that we have an opportunity to call our energy and power back to ourselves. We just get confused on how to do that.

The dictionary defines pressure as stress, a constant state of worry and urgency. It’s a force that pushes or urges, (emphasis on force). To pressure is to compel, or make someone do something. Some pressures are healthy, and even necessary. The adrenaline rush we feel at the start of a new project, or when we have a deadline approaching, helps motivate us. But when we try to do too much, all the time, stress becomes the enemy – quite literally. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, raises the body’s metabolic rate in readiness for a ‘fight or flight’ response. It increases heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. It affects background body functions too, like digestion, cell division and even our reproductive processes — putting them on hold until calm returns.

Being on constant alert and able to react to an imminent, life-threatening emergency is great when you need it, but living constantly in that state is detrimental. Stress affects our ability to think clearly and remember things; it has been shown to increase the likelihood of depression and can exacerbate health risks like stroke and heart disease. It also impacts our immune systems, which scientists now fear can impair our ability to fight cancer. Thus, unrealistic worries are over-reactions to a tolerable situation or a prolonged over-reaction to a threatening situation that can not be avoided. But how can you be sure a situation won’t cause trouble? You can’t. How can you be sure you won’t handle the problem any better if you worried about it a lot more? You can’t be. However, we can learn to recognize extreme over-reactions, e.g. being terrified while flying or obsessing for hours about an insoluble problem. But a little worry about crashing while flying is realistic and some thought is necessary to know that you can’t do much about a problem. So, how much time should you devote to a particular problem? There isn’t an exact answer; that’s why some of us let anxiety overwhelm us.

Many a times, we all find ourselves under pressure similar to my tailgate experience, we feel pressure, spoken and unspoken, to do everything and be everything, pressure to provide for your family, to be available to everyone, to meet company targets, to attend every meeting, to keep engaged, to have meaningful and well-maintained relationships. And as we well know, as we grow up we are taught by the people or our environments that we should suck up when we are pressure. We start on a journey that I call survival journey, you start to say, “I just want to get through today.” or, “Just one more party and it’s over.” We start to walk through sad places where we quit to enjoying the season s, the presence, others and starts trying to get through it instead. Beyond stressing about your general workload, if you dwell on the related risks and get wrapped up in thoughts of what could go wrong, you generate patterns of fear that start to seem normal. You get so used to being afraid that you actually start to accept it as a sign that you’re working hard: “Oh, I’ve got to give a big presentation, so I’ve got to be nervous.” That sort of thing.

Over the years I have learnt a thing or two about working under pressure. I have learnt that when one acts or live under intense pressure one start to create survival environments for themselves. I have seen people who live in survival journey making impulsive judgments, angrily rushing to bring closure to whatever matter is at hand. He or she feeling is compelled to get the problem under control immediately, to extinguish the perceived danger lest it destroy him or her. When one lives in survival journey they are robbed of their flexibility, their sense of humor, their ability to deal with the unknown. They forget the big picture and the goals and values they stand for. They lose their “cool” or feeling at peace, they lose their creativity.

I can’t help but think we’re a lot like that when life presses down on us. When the pressure gets too intense, we start looking for ways to bail ourselves out from under the thumb of circumstances that seem too much to handle. And all too often we are tempted to bail in terms of our attitudes, feeling angry, bitter, or even mad at God—or anyone else we can blame our problems on. Or, we are tempted to bail in our actions by refusing to persevere in righteous ways.

Apparently, gaining a sense of mastery or learning one is able to handle problems early in life, e.g. in monkeys who get good mothering and social support when young, seems to protect the adult from serious anxiety. Although fears are generally based on primitive automatic emotional reactions, more intense panic and specific fears occur when we feel particularly vulnerable–open to being seriously hurt. Some of this vulnerability may be genetic tendencies but much is probably learned, often at an early age. How are these dangers, these “Wow, that scares the hell out of me!” reactions, learned? Sometimes, we see the actual results of a real danger–a heart attack, an auto accident, someone going crazy–and we vividly imagine that might happen to us. Examples: Panic attacks often are exacerbated by the scary thoughts that the tightness in my chest and high anxiety means I’m dying from a heart attack, going to faint, going crazy, etc. Such thoughts greatly increase the panic.

Sometimes, we are given specific instructions by others to expect danger, e.g. some social phobics have been told that interacting with others can be disastrous–“they will think you are stupid or weird,” “you can’t trust them,” “you’ll make a fool of yourself,” etc. Sometimes, we have started to think in a certain way (the source may be totally unknown–a TV, movie, book, or just our own fantasy as a child) that implies some situation is dangerous. Examples of this might be: “Oh, what I just said sounded really selfish… dumb… critical… ” which grows into “I’m going to mess up when I talk to them,” “I’m not good at socializing,” “I can’t think of anything to say,” or “I get really uptight and start to sweat when I try to talk to someone.” We can create, in effect, our own dangers, and may be especially prone to do that if we are given certain genes and childhood experiences.

Norman Vincent Peale tells how a young business man asked him to talk with his father, the head of their business. He said. “I’m very worried about Dad. He is so nervous and tense. There are so many pressures and problems in the business and my Dad is giving way under them.” Dr Peale encouraged him to relax and talk over his problem of pressure in the business.  After a time, Dr Peale said to him, “I don’t suppose you ever read the Scriptures do you?”

“Certainly I do” the man replied.  Dr Peale said, “You read them but you don’t practice them.”

“Of course I practice them, I’m a moral man.”

“I wasn’t talking morals and ethics, I was talking about the healing power of God.  Have you ever read the 26th chapter of Isaiah, 3rd verse – ‘You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you’?” Peale then went on to explain that the father had not been keeping his mind on God, he’d let it dwell too much on his problems.  He urged him to repeat the text three times a day to get it fixed in his mind and heart. Faith in God, more than anything else, helps us to keep things in perspective and cuts our pressures down to size

It boils down to whether or not we want comfort or character. You or I may think that life should be a bed of roses, but if that’s your take on life, you’re in for a big surprise—trouble happens! The issue is not if you will face trials, it’s how you will respond to the inevitable pressure that the problems of life bring. It may be that you face pressure at work. In the face of a seemingly insurmountable project, it’s easy to think, “If I just fudge a little bit I could get this job done faster.” Or, when the problems at home won’t go away, we find ourselves wondering, “Maybe I’ll just leave so I won’t have to deal with this anymore.” The sin of pride causes us to respond to problems with thoughts like, “I don’t deserve this.” And soon our attitudes are in the dumper and God’s work is derailed.

“When life gets tough, the tough get going.” This timeless proverb may be true for some but, for others, hardship can be too much to overcome. When the going gets tough, their life simply falls apart. What is it exactly that separates those who thrive regardless of adversity and those who don’t? Is it genetics, luck, or pure willpower?

Consider that Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison before he became the first democratically elected president in South Africa. Abraham Lincoln failed in business, had a nervous breakdown, and was defeated eight times in elections before becoming president.
Oprah Winfrey was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a teenage single mother and later raised in an inner-city Milwaukee neighborhood. She experienced considerable hardship during her childhood, saying she was raped at age nine and became pregnant at 14; her son died in infancy.

Einstein is currently known as the “father of modern physics.” That’s a pretty big title for someone who couldn’t get into college right away. Einstein was no child prodigy; his grades were poor, his focus in the classroom was sporadic, and when he first tried to get into college, he failed the entrance exam. Nevertheless, Einstein eventually graduated and developed some of the most important scientific theories of the modern world, which still form the fundamental basis for modern physics. Even if you aren’t familiar with the scientific value of his work, you know his name–it’s synonymous with scientific intelligence.

For most people, getting rejected from college would seem like the end of the road. An optimistic handful might think that a career in science is still possible. But Einstein blew those assumptions away and became not just a great scientist, but one of the greatest scientists that ever lived. Remember that the next time you’re faced with rejection.

Thomas Edison is often named as an example of why failure shouldn’t stop you from trying; different estimates purport that he built 100 to 1,000 light bulbs before he found one that worked. But James Dyson is a modern-day Edison who experimented even more before eventually finding success. For 15 years, James Dyson tried–and failed–to build a better vacuum cleaner, scrapping a reported 5,127 prototypes in total. But still, Dyson insisted that each prototype brought him one step closer to perfection, and today he’s a billionaire.

When you buy a stunning new product, you don’t get to see the countless ugly, unfinished versions that came before it. No matter how hard you work at your first draft, it’s probably going to end up looking terrible, so don’t get discouraged. Keep working at it, and eventually, even if it takes you 5,000 tries, you’ll get something great.

These examples are extreme, but they demonstrate the different routes people may choose when facing major obstacles. 
I have a clear memory from my childhood growing up in Kenya, where we slept many nights without lunch and dinner because there was food, we were very poor compared to many neighbors. I wore my first shoe when I was in grade 7. But all this did not discourage or stop me from dreaming, my mama always reminded me that where you start is not where your story ends.

As I write this I am aware that there many readers reading this and are probably going through some tough times. I have some encouragement for you. DO NO LOSE HOPE. If things get really bad, you’ll certainly benefit from following the Finnish philosophy of sisu. This principle can be roughly described in English as having a backbone and courage. However, sisu is more than just that. Sisu is an almost mystical concept that means being a hero of your own story. As Winston Churchill once said, if you’re going through hell, you should keep going! Sisu is a life-saving principle. No matter what happens to you, the best thing you can do is stay strong and remain hopeful.

Without warning, Soviet Union planes came roaring over the city of Helsinki, Finland on November 30, 1939. Finland was about to receive a violent shove into World War II.

The Soviets dropped more than 350 bombs during the raid. Innocent civilians died. Entire buildings were turned to dust. And it was just the beginning. Three hours before the air strike, more than 450,000 Soviet soldiers began marching across the Finnish border. The Soviet soldiers outnumbered the Finnish army almost 3-to-1. That wasn’t the worst of it. The Soviets also commanded more than 6,000 armored tanks and almost 4,000 aircraft. Finland, meanwhile, had just 32 tanks and 114 aircraft. 

It was the beginning of what became known as the Winter War. For the Finns, there was no question whether some of them would die. The question was whether any of them would survive.

The Winter War

The winter was brutal that year. In January, temperatures dropped to 40 degrees below zero. Furthermore, at that time of the year and with Finland being located so far north, the soldiers were surrounded by darkness for almost 18 hours per day. Vastly outnumbered, fighting in a brutally cold darkness, and facing near-certain death, the Finnish soldiers relied on a concept that has been part of Finnish culture for hundreds of years: Sisu.

Sisu is a word that has no direct translation, but it refers to the idea of continuing to act even in the face of repeated failures and extreme odds. It is a way of living life by displaying perseverance even when you have reached the end of your mental and physical capacities. During the Winter War, the extreme mental toughness of Sisu was all the Finnish soldiers could rely on.

The Finns would suffer more than 70,000 casualties during the Winter War. But that number would pale in comparison to the 323,000 Soviet casualties during that same time. By the end of winter, the Soviets had seen enough. The Moscow Peace Treaty was signed in March 1940. In total, the Soviets had attacked with over 900,000 soldiers during the Winter War. By the end, 300,000 Finns had managed to fight them to a standstill. 

Emilia Lahti, a PhD candidate at Aalto University in Helsinki and former student of Angela Duckworth at University of Pennsylvania, studies the concept of Sisuand how it applies to our lives. According to Lahti, “Sisu is the concept of taking action in the face of significant adversity or challenge. It is not so much about achievement as it is about facing your challenges with valor and determination.” She goes on to say, “Sisu provides the final empowering push, when we would otherwise hesitate to act.” 

In many ways, Sisu is similar to grit, which has been shown to be one of the best predictors of success in the real world.  Sisu runs even deeper than grit. It is a type of mental toughness that allows you to bear the burden of your responsibilities, whatever they happen to be, with a will and perseverance that is unbreakable. It is the ability to sustain your action and fight against extreme odds. Sisu extends beyond perseverance. It is what you rely on when you feel like you have nothing left. In many ways, Sisu is similar to grit, which has been shown to be one of the best predictors of success in the real world. Sisu is a life-saving concept in situations of survival. This can mean a life-threatening situation, or simply staying strong when life throws you a curveball. Whether it is trouble at work or personal life, adapting sisu is all about adopting an attitude of never giving up or giving in. No matter what comes your way, it will help you see hope, stay strong, and persevere against all odds.

Sisu most often focuses on getting through today instead of making long-term goals. It is like getting the ‘second-wind’ when running out of energy. Sisu is what happens when all other sources of motivation are depleted, yet, it is an unbreakable and unstoppable force.

At the same time, sisu implies that you keep fighting through the obstacles while also maintaining humility and integrity. It is a combination of physical endurance, mental acuity, and emotional intelligence.

Sisu is a life-saving concept in situations of survival. This can mean a life-threatening situation, or simply staying strong when life throws you a curveball. Whether it is trouble at work or personal life, adapting sisu is all about adopting an attitude of never giving up or giving in. No matter what comes your way, it will help you see hope, stay strong, and persevere against all odds.

In the deeper sense, Sisu allows you to go through the ascension process regardless of the odds stacked against you. In a sense, it is akin to the hand of Providence itself helping you along the road of life no matter what the outside world tries to place in the way of your higher purpose.

Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. Overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we face. 

As Havelock Ellis wrote, “Pain and death are part of life. To reject them is to reject life itself.” Problems, large and small, present themselves to us throughout our whole existence.

Regardless of how sharp, clever, or happy-go-lucky we are, we will encounter struggle, challenges, difficulties and at times, heart wrenching moments. Is this meant to be a negative, cynical assessment of what we have to look forward to? In any adversity we can build sisu in ourselves to meet any adversity.

Stay in the present moment – Don’t create extra problems that don’t exist yet by looking into the future or mulling on past regrets. Staying in the present means we focus on the problem as it is rather than how we think it might be. 

As a result, we don’t needlessly exaggerate problems. Doing so rarely helps and instead paralyses our desire to take action.

Of course, this does not mean problems can’t be horrendous or extremely tough to manage. We’ll grieve, cry, become angry and curse the gods for leaving us here. 

However, this cannot be the only thing we do. 

Make a choice to take action. When the Finnish were fighting, they had to make the conscious decision that they were going to do something about it. This is important. While we’re likely to think we’re going to do something, often times, we do just that. Think about it and never move forward. 

It’s much easier to think about how you’re going to handle something difficult indefinitely by getting stuck in the loop of justifying yourself. Never facing the fear of completing what you set out to do. Sometimes it’s best to let the fear pass but in these difficult situations when Sisu is needed, the cloud of fear may never leave you reveal a clear sky. You jump into the storm anyway. 
We all experience failure, but mentally tough people realize that failure is an event, not their identity. Sisu.

The Tips For Overcoming Adversity

Be aware of, and accept that adversity is inevitable in life. As has already been pointed out, adversity is part of life. To avoid or resist it will only make it persist. Everywhere you look in the world there is unmistakable struggle. There are floods, tsunamis, wars, and calamities of all types. Even within your own circle of family and friends there is death, loss and tragedy. Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. So what do you do?

Build your internal resources. Before adversity hits, work on cultivating emotional strength, courage and discipline. When you make yourself aware that certain difficulties are inevitable, you can prepare yourself mentally for confronting adversity head-on. It would be no different than a warrior going to battle. He (or she) prepares himself physically and mentally for any possibility. He knows it could be ugly, daunting, and grueling, but he is equipped. More often than not, when you’re prepared for the worst, the worst never happens, or it’s much less severe than anticipated. Another invaluable inner resource is faith. Faith that everything will work out; faith that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and faith that “this too shall pass.” Everything in life has its place and purpose.

Have faith

It takes more energy to live a life full of fear than to live one full of faith. To fear is to convince yourself to live in the walls you build yourself. To have faith is to convince yourself to embrace change. You can either live in faith or live in fear; however, faith and fear cannot coexist. When your desire to overcome becomes greater than your fear, you’ll overcome adversity naturally. Fear will always attempt to immobilize you, while faith is designed to energize you. It turns out that overcoming obstacles provides an unexpected motivational boost, pushing you to deliver more than is expected. The stakes are higher but so are the rewards.

Limit complaining. 

Life can seriously suck sometimes. There are a multitude of barriers we might face. It ranges from eating spicy food, wiping your eyes with chili covered hands, crying then realizing you have no tissues to being in a violent spiral of debt. Endless complaining, no matter how justified it seems, prevents anything from happening and gives us reasons to complain even more. Much like venting our anger, complaining might become an enjoyable thing to do even if we can’t admit that to ourselves.

Be an obstacle pioneer:Brian Chesky, cofounder of Airbnb, is a self-confessed failure pioneer who equally credits obstacles as part of his leadership development. He writes in his personal blog: “If you want to understand Airbnb, you have to understand our beginnings. Our story started with a problem that those struggling financially know well. In October of 2007, my roommate Joe Gebbia and I were living in a San Francisco apartment, and we couldn’t afford rent. That weekend, an international design conference was coming to town, and all of the hotels were sold out. So we had an idea: why not turn our place into a bed and breakfast for the conference? We inflated airbeds and called it the AirBed & Breakfast.”

Today, Airbnb stands at the forefront of the sharing economy with more than 20 million people using its service and winning Inc. magazine’s “Company of the Year” title. If Chesky and his cofounders had given up at the first major obstacle, there would be no Airbnb.

Eat Problems for Breakfast: You are bound to fail occasionally. In failure are life’s little secrets: you cannot learn to ride a bike by reading how to ride one. James Dyson produced more than 5,000 failed prototypes before he invented his bestselling Dyson Air Vacuum. Embrace failure as your biggest teacher. It’s a vital part of the process of growing as a human being. A real failure is when you make a mistake and don’t fix it quickly and start over. The formula for success isn’t a mystery. It’s a conscious choice to learn from failure. Each wrong choice builds character and strengthens your mindset for the next challenge. Stephen Rapoport, founder of Pact Coffee, started Failboat by gathering startup founders around a table to discuss their failures and what they had learned. In an interview in the Sunday Times, he says: “I’m absolutely convinced you learn an awful lot more when you get things wrong than when you get things right. When you get things right, you don’t know whether you’ve got them completely right. When you get things wrong, you know where the line is.” Rapoport continues: ‘‘We have two modes: success and learning. I don’t look at learning as a failure, as long as you don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over. If you’re scared to fail, you will find it hard to make decisions, you will slow down and you won’t want to push yourself. In other words, if you’re not failing at all, you may not be trying hard enough.”

Take inspiration and learn from others who have dealt successfully with adversity. There are many inspiring stories of people who overcame seemingly insurmountable odds. They triumphed over their adversities to live successful, productive lives instead of surrendering to it.

Here are some examples:

Helen Keller: Lost her sight and hearing due to a mysterious fever when she was only 18 months old. She overcame her deafness and blindness to become a strong, educated woman who spoke about, and promoted, women’s rights. 

Winston Churchill: Overcame a stuttering problem and poor performance in school to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and one of the most influential political leaders of the twentieth century. He was also known for his powerful and rousing speeches.

Wilma Rudolph: The Olympian born prematurely, the 20th of 22 children. She overcame double pneumonia, scarlet fever and polio to become winner of three Gold medals in track at the 1960 Rome Olympic Games.

J.K. Rowling: Born to a poor family; left a bad marriage with a young baby to live on government assistance; wrote her first Harry Potter book and was turned down by most publishers until Bloomsbury Publishing picked it up. Need I say more?

Determination, resilience, and persistence enabled all of these great people to push past their adversities and prevail. If they could do it, surely the rest of us can summon the strength and courage to do overcome our adversities!

Ralph Waldo Emerson once famously wrote “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” Adversities are an unavoidable, universal part of the human experience. Striving to achieve meaningful goals, pursuing our purpose or standing up for our values are acts which often involve enduring numerous failures. Furthermore, we may face unexpected hardships and trauma, which take us to the very edge of our existence.

Cheetah – the fastest land animal on the planet clocks speeds of 109 to 120 km/h (68 to 75 mph), covers up to 500 m (1,640 ft) in short bursts, and can accelerate from 0 to 96 km/h (0 to 60 mph) in three seconds. When cheetahs run at full speed, their stride is 6-7 meters (21 feet) and their feet touch the ground only twice during each stride. And, cheetahs are the only members of the big cat family which can turn in mid-air while running.

what most fascinates me about this protected species that lives primarily in Africa are its unique physical characteristics:

¨ Flexible spine;

¨ Oversized liver;

¨ Enlarged heart;

¨ Wide nostrils;

¨ Increased lung capacity;

¨ Black “tear” marks under its eyes.

For just a moment, reflect on these characteristics of the cheetah, and how they relate to humans:

Cheetahs are built for speed,pursuit. Leaders and anyone with a goal for that case, anyone who want to move ahead very fast, and are willing to put in the effort to get the speed, belong to the cheetah mindset team. Such entrepreneurs do not work very well with teams. If the necessity arises, they will do a major chunk of the work on their own. Cheetahs are sprinters, not long distance runners. They run in short bursts of tremendous speed. Leaders like them work feverishly for short spans of time. And after every burst, they need to rest. But, such entrepreneurs are very shy and submissive. It is easy to snatch away their winnings, just the way larger animals take a cheetah’s prey away. They cannot exert authority, and therefore, work best alone.

Smart leaders understand it’s not just enough to pursue, but pursuit must be intentional, focused, consistent, aggressive, and unyielding. You must pursue the right things, for the right reasons, and at the right times. Perhaps most of all, the best forms of pursuit enlist others in the chase. Pursuit in its purest form is highly collaborative, very inclusive and easily transferable. Pursuit operates at greatest strength when it leverages velocity and scale.

A cheetah wakes up everyday and goes on the hunt for that what it sees in it’s mind. The cheetah always has a plan. They have “high value targets” they are going to get in front of its prey. They have an angle they are trying to work. The cheetahs are the persons who create plans in their mind and set goals to meet the targets. They have meetings they are going to, places to be at, and people to meet. They don’t spend or waste their time in low value activities. They work hard to get proximity to key players every single day of the week, they work with others so that they can help with their services and advance together. Cheetahs work a system. Cheetahs expand with and through their associations. Cheetahs have a high bounce back rate and don’t spend much time retreating or contracting.

In African safari, if you ever spot a cheetah you will see that cheetahs typically sit special locations or positions. If you will notice, this location will be a position of perspective which can be a treetop, a mound or hilltop overlooking the watering hole or valley.This may look like laziness, but actually, its far from it. The cheetah is actually very busy mentally. And what it is really doing is analyzing a herd of potential food.It is surveying the territory, so we if you want to advance, to do well you should be looking for emerging patterns, the cheetah is looking for particular movements in the herd.

Competition isn’t the first thing most association leaders think of when they are analyzing strategic threats. Every year, new organizations and services pop up that provide services that can now be offered faster at less cost. This can be discouraging for teams or business that are enjoying status quo. But I think it is an opportunity for any team or business that want to stay ahead to see this as an opportunity of growth.

Walt Disney had a favorite quote: “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

It’s great advice for us all. Moving forward and delivering value in new ways will help ensure that members view your association as the best partner to help grow their careers and their businesses. Your team need to stay innovative to beat their competition.

Their light musculoskeletal structure means other predators, such as the hyena, can push cheetahs off the kill and enjoy the feast themselves. Even so, the cheetah will make its kill and eat what it can before the hyenas get there, knowing that it can move on and make another kill.

In business terms, that’s the mindset of a leader — accept that others will come into the market, and you’ve got to move faster than they do. If you want to get a new idea to market quickly, you cannot do it with the cumbersome infrastructure that many large organisations have. Each layer of hierarchical decision-making adds a layer of delay. Just as a cheetah might be happy to make the kill and move on, don’t be afraid to abandon ideas that don’t work.

Those of us who have Cheetah-like inspiration will go for new opportunities, we will not be deterred by frustrations but will walk or run towards our targets. Make a note of any processes that really annoy you, and resolve to do something about them.

What makes cheetahs such remarkable hunters is not their speed, but their ability to slow down quickly. They not only reach 60 miles per hour running down their prey, but they can cut their speed by nine miles per hour in a single stride. This gives them an incredible advantage, enabling them to turn sharply, jump sideways, and change directions in an instant — their skill at leaping sideways, changing directions abruptly and slowing down quickly — that gives those antelope such bad odds. And that is exactly what makes a good leader great—the ability to bob and weave and move towards the target as new information is learned, bending the law of physics in ways that enable one to leap over competitors without slowing down to look back and mourn change.

And with a return to fundamental basics, we might find ourselves, as leaders or even as followers, navigating through our lives differently. If we move like cheetah….but our feet might touch the ground more often but will never lose of our targets.

l am a Registered Nurse by profession. To maintain my Nursing license I have to renew it every year before December 01 of each year. As part of renewal includes completion of jurisprudence test. With my hectic I didn’t complete this test on time. By the time I completed the test submission deadline was done. This meant my registration was terminated on December 31,2018.

When I lost the license I visited the licensing office, they explained to me that I had to complete criminal check and child registry check plus multiple other checks before I could apply for a reinstatement. I was horrified. As the realization set in that I couldn’t “legally” give the medication and not consider it late, a sinking panicky feeling arose in my gut. I began to rationalize in my head all the reasons why this happened. So the reasoning went in my head as I tried to justify why I hadn’t renewed my RN license on time. I was angry at myself because it meant paying a few more hundred dollars that could have gone to good cause, it meant a few weeks without work as a Registered Nurse. It meant that signing R.N. after my name when I am not licensed is was fraud and material misrepresentation It a day and weeks of regret and shame, it was very painful and I said lots of “should have done”. I felt shame because I had explain to my employer about my situation. I felt shame because I had failed to comply with nursing standards that I had strongly upheld for others. 

I am very sure that you and I behaved in a way that has negatively impacted you, a situation, or the people you love. You can’t let go of the guilt, shame, regrets and self loathing for what you did. You believe you must be a bad person. You’re feeling stuck, undeserving of love and happiness, and downright fraudulent, those are the feelings I felt that day. .

In this situation and many other situations where I have felt similar feelings I have learnt that the key element to stress with regret is that you are looking back upon a past event and reflecting upon it. The feeling of regret is not positive, and it comes from strongly wanting to change your actions, your behaviors, your reactions, etc. In the present you are thinking back to a past event, and expressing your regret which may make you feel apologetic, sad, or shameful. Regrets can be a good thing to a certain extent–when it evokes productive guilt and teaches us something we can carry forward. But, when it keeps us up at night, causes shame and anxiety, it’s no longer productive.

Overcoming regrets is very important if you are going to love a meaningful life. There is no way you can avoid occasional mistakes which sometimes leads to regrets.
As a matter of fact, regrets are not altogether bad things. It is the regrets that motivate you to strive for better and make your life worthwhile to live provided you have a positive attitude towards it. It all depends on your presumptions of regrets that determine how they affect you, positively or negatively. To overcome regrets, you need to learn the lessons from regrets to enable yourself to make better choices in the future and move forward in life. Here are some of the ways that may help you to overcome regrets in order to lead a happy life:

1.Accept yourself.

Acceptance is the ability to unconditionally value all parts of who you are. That means you acknowledge all of yourself–the good and the things that need improvement. For most of us, self-acceptance can be hard. We tend to be critical of ourselves, but there are a number of ways to learn to accept yourself and your life. It all begins with your state of mind.

2.RECOGNIZE AND ACCEPT THE REGRET

Regrets can change you as a person over time, for better and this is what makes life valuable provided you recognize and accept the regrets in order to learn the lessons it has to offer and apply in your life. Always keep in mind that everyone does what they think is the right thing to do in any given situation, but if something goes wrong, only then people realize their action as a mistake. Mistakes in life often occur inadvertently and so there is no need to punish your-self by being sad, depressed, frustrated, and gets indulged in self-pity. That is why you should recognize the real cause of regrets, accept it, forgive yourself, and pick up the lesson in order to move forward confidently.

3.Own your outcomes.

Work toward owning every part of your realities–not just the things that need work but also your strengths and successes. Owning all your outcomes can help teach you to do better next time, to see failure as a learning moment.

4. Recognize that everyone has some regrets in life – and see how they handle them.

You are not alone.  Look at how the people you know handle their regrets.  Of those, who would you like to emulate?  Uncle Biff who’s never ever gotten over that missed baseball in Little League – or Aunt Buffy who made and lost a million bucks and laughed her way through the process of making her subsequent million? Look for inspiration in celebrities, too.  Growing up, Mel Brooks studied drums with the drumming legend Buddy Rich. Rich thought young Mel was a prodigy and was grooming him to follow in his footsteps. When Mel heard the siren song of comedy writing, Rich warned him he was making the mistake of his life giving up a promising career in music to mess around telling a bunch of stupid jokes. Brooks says that although Rich never forgave him, he never regretted the path he took.

5. Practice Self Forgiveness.

If you are reading this blog, there is a good chance you are not a horrific human being. You obviously care about your own healing and about the people you love that you probably have caused pain due to your action, which you now regret about. Whatever has happened you, it is time to show kindness and compassion to yourself, to those that have been hurt, to forgive yourself and let go.

In the Movie “Frozen,” Elsa, the older sister, sings these words: “Let it go, let it go … And I’ll rise like the break of dawn … ”

Let it go.

Those are words I sensed God speaking to me as I walked to Winnipeg Police Headquarters to get a criminal check and Manitoba Child Registry that cold day, I could hear God’s soft voice telling me that it was ok, to let go the regrets of losing my RN license.

“Let go of the past that you cannot undo.”

“Let go of the warped view you have of yourself. It doesn’t match the one I have as your Heavenly Father.”

“Let go of the hurts that hold you too tightly.”

Today, I am very grateful to say I have been reinstated my RN license, this I am very thankful!

Maybe you’ve sensed God asking you to let something — or someone — go.

So next time you find yourself regretting something you did, try to face up to instead of pretending it didn’t happen and be compassionate with yourself. You might just be able to get over it.

Recently I had an opportunity to visit Lake Louise Alberta, where I saw the magnificent work of God. The lake is curved between two, beautiful ice capped mountains. As my family and other tourists posed on the snow covered lake for photos, I thought a lot about what God sees when He looks down at His creation. He must be saying something like, “it is all beautiful.”  I imagine this because as one stand there is no excuse of not seeing these immeasurable beauty. The mountains on both sides of the lake  look warm and welcoming, the castle at the lake look steady and inviting, the ice on the lake is playful, inviting everyone to skate on it. Everything on Lake Louise is worthy the drive. These beauty is not found only on Lake Louise. I see it every where I go, in downtown parks in Winnipeg, where I live. I see it on the streets, I see it on people’s faces, I see it on my social media tweets, Instagram and Facebook posts, I see it in myself. The issue is that I get bored and stop to observe and appreciate the beauty around me. 

Sometimes nature can echo how we feel. The beauty of a single rose with dew drops can echo the differing feelings that love can evoke. Robert Frost, in his poem, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening,” illustrates the plight of modern life. The poem’s narrator rides on horseback through a forest in the night, on his way to conduct some errand. Upon seeing the snow slowly moving through the branches, he stops for a moment.

But to his sadness, he has much to do, and cannot stay for long. His subsequent thoughts create some of the most famous closing lines in all of poetry.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,  

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

Around you and me is beauty everywhere, in that beauty is God’s goodness on display. The question is, do you and myself see it? The Scripture talks about how God was in the midst of people, but they knew Him not. Too many times, God is working in our lives, showing us favor, protecting us, sending us healing, but we don’t recognize His goodness. For example, if you weren’t the most qualified or the most talented but you got the promotion, that’s the goodness of God. If you’re going through a difficult time and a friend stops by out of the blue and cheers you up, that’s the goodness of God. It’s easy to see the negative, what we don’t have, what we didn’t get, but that won’t build our faith. Instead, make a decision to search for the good things God has given you. His mercy is new each morning. Look for His goodness. 

Like the narrator, who finds the snowy wood lovely, but cannot stay long enough to enjoy it, we often become so busy that we no longer have the time to appreciate and benefit from the natural world. And without it, there can be no true peace for us—no “sleep.”

I want to also note that not everyone among us see beauty in their own lives. Some of us have gone through journeys where we have been made to hate ourselves, some have gone through some marital issues where their partners or spouses have made them feel that are ugly and stupid. I remember working with a lady who revealed to us that she never looks herself in the mirror because she has come to believe her husband that she looks ugly. Millions of us go through this painful journey daily and quietly. As we walk alongside these people it is our call for many to always try to help these people find their own beauty. 

Growth comes from inside and time never matters when you live your life from the heart. So cheers to good friends,great conversations,to people that are no longer with us but left an impact on our lives,cheers to books,movies and art that feed our souls, cheers to music and love.